Revelations
by LopendVuur
Summary: Reading P&P, Mr Darcy's feelings seem rather acute, but do not get much attention. This story explores them from the moment just after his rejection, to beyond his actual marriage. The action follows P&P exactly, but some secondary characters, most notably Georgiana and Mrs Younge, push the boundaries of Miss Austen's description. The style of writing diverges from hers ever more.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note

This story may very well be blasphemous, I've always thought that Pride and Prejudice, and Mr Darcy and Miss Elizabeth Bennet, were not for ordinary mortals to make free with. And now I've done it myself.

I did write a fan fiction on a Jane Austen novel before, Redemption, an alternative ending to Mansfield Park. But Mansfield Park is not perfect, Jane Austen seems to have had some dislike for Henry and Mary Crawford, and since I rather liked them I thought they deserved a chance to redeem themselves.

Pride and Prejudice however is perfect, it doesn't need an alternative ending, it's great as it is. Elizabeth is the perfect heroine, smart, witty, and human. And Mr Darcy is every woman's ideal of the perfect man, so why write a fan fiction?

I never seriously considered doing it, I have great fun writing my own stories, with characters of my own, who live their own lives, sometimes exciting, and usually rather quiet. My stories are an amalgam of romantic fiction and fantasy, exploring people's emotions and relations rather than describing life-changing events. And hardly anybody reads them.

Whereas Redemption is read quite well, I think because people manage to find it despite the abundance of stories available on the internet, due to its connection to Jane Austen.

Then when I re-read Pride and Prejudice, again, and wondered, again, what poor Mr Darcy was feeling, really feeling, after having been rejected so forcibly by the woman he had been aching for for months, I decided to see whether I could write that down. He is human after all, he must have been devastated all this time, until she finally did accept him, exactly the thing I like to put into words.

And this is the result. If you think it's blasphemous to write about these characters, I totally agree. I've done even worse, for though the action fits with the book nearly exactly, Darcy feels much more intense than any Austen character ever would. And he has some naughty thoughts as well, which people probably did have in that time, but Jane Austen certainly didn't write about. As the story progresses he becomes ever more human, which cannot be helped when delving into someone's feelings.

And Darcy's sister somehow develops some character, which she doesn't in Pride and Prejudice, and she starts to have some influence on her brother's life, which Jane Austen most likely would not approve of, but which does make an interesting tale in my opinion.

So this is it, my version of Mr Darcy's story. I await your verdict with apprehension.

Chapter 1

Darcy carefully closes the door behind him, he has been humiliated enough, he is not going to add to his shame by slamming the door with the anger he feels. For anger is the feeling foremost on his mind, as he legs it through the little garden of the parsonage, across the road, into the park.

Doesn't he have every right to be angry? Hasn't he been made a total fool of by a very young lady who is very much beneath him? She has been playing with his feelings for months, flirting shamelessly, whipping up the flame of his ardour with her witty remarks to his friends and his cousin, and her veiled allusions to himself.

'This is one of my favourite haunts, Mr Darcy', her very words, weren't they an invitation to meet her in the park, one he took her up on like she wanted him to, nearly sick with love and anticipation each time? Didn't he meet her there as often as he dared, keeping himself from going every day with utmost discipline, afraid of her forming expectations of him before he was ready to commit himself, his reason still so much at discord with his feelings?

How dared she encourage him if she didn't want him, despised him, actually?

At the pace he's keeping, he will be at the house in minutes, but he's not ready to face anyone right now, let alone his aunt. He takes a left turn, into the very park where Miss Elizabeth Bennet invited him to walk with her, as cunningly as any city-bred lady.

Except that is not like her at all.

A tiny part of his enraged mind reminds him that she is not cunning, quite the opposite, she is frank and outspoken, the main reason he couldn't forget her, however much he tried. He remembers his devastating realisation almost five months ago now, that the woman who finally made him feel the exultation of love and the fever of passion was not a highly schooled, beautiful and accomplished noble lady from his own sophisticated class, but a country girl of very minor nobility, nearly ten years his junior, not even really beautiful but merely very pretty, and without formal education, just naturally gifted with supreme intelligence and an irresistible authentic charm. Within a few meetings, this audacious slip of a girl made his entire female acquaintance seem pretentious and overbearing. Yet a connection to her and her family would make his friends, family and acquaintance look at him and talk of him with pity and veiled scorn.

And what would he brave the ridicule of his friends and family for? Of course he wants an heir, children in general, and someone to finally share his baser needs with. But that was not what made the thought of Miss Elizabeth Bennet slowly take over his waking hours, to finally start invading his dreams.

It was her mind. Her breathtaking intelligence, her sharp wit, her loving attachment to her sister. His deepest wish has ever been to have an equal partner in life, someone he can really talk to, someone who will understand everything he says, who can relate to his innermost thoughts and feelings, whom he can discuss his ideas and opinions with. And the only woman he has met, in ten years of adulthood, to ever stir his feelings like that turned out to be decidedly beneath him.

He knew from the first there would not be another like her, but still his sense of right objected to a permanent association with her. What about his obligations to his name, to his family, could he put them aside to indulge in the selfish pursuit of finally finding personal happiness? Could he lower himself to be with the woman of his dreams? It took him months to realise that the answer was a decided 'yes', and this very evening he worked up his courage to throw away family-honour and decency and embrace for the first time the woman who he was certain loved him already, had been encouraging him steadily whenever chance threw them together.

For despite his conviction of her superior mind, still he underestimated her, judged her as if she was one of those other women, out to get his approval, his attention. He seriously thought her encouraging towards him, aiming for his addresses.

But as it turned out she was not flirting with him when she told him that the park, the very place where he sits on a little bench right now, was a favourite spot of hers. She meant that as a deterrent, a warning to stay away from her. And all those witty remarks during their interactions, those clever, rather impertinent observations about him wanting to hate everyone, or not taking the trouble to get acquainted to anyone. She meant those, too. He thought them stimulating, encouraging even, and all this time she really meant to insult him, thought him overly proud, even arrogant.

Has any man ever been more thoroughly humiliated by the woman he loves? No, she hasn't humiliated him, he has managed to do that all by himself, he realises now that she always made her dislike of him very clear, but the idea of his growing yearning for her not being mutual never even entered his mind.

As his anger fades slowly, reasoned away by the hard facts his mind forces him to accept, shame and despair start to fight for dominance. Better choose despair for now, shame can be faced in company, but he will not show his disappointed hopes in front of his aunt and his cousin Anne.

As he allows himself to truly feel the pain of his rejection, remembers her beautiful face expressing her anger, her biting accusations, her harsh judgement on his person, a heartfelt moan does escape his lips, and he sits gasping for breath for a few moments. Why?

Why must he love a woman who hates him? He has waited for ten years to finally find someone whom he can be happy with, and she hates him. Hates him even worse for what happened tonight.

To think he went to the little parsonage in the conviction that she would likely allow him to kiss her for the very first time, to hold her against him for a few moments, that she would be honoured and thankful to be able to improve herself and her family, overjoyed that she would be the wife of one of the most desirable and respected gentlemen in the country.

He expected to return to his room torn between the knowledge of being the happiest man in England, and apprehension at having to face the world with what he had done.

And now he sits here in this little park with his heart broken, trampled by a cold, uncaring young woman, his first and only chance at ever finding an equal partner in life come to nothing. His arms will not stay empty forever, but his heart will, the chances of him ever meeting another woman he can truly love are practically non-existent.

Another shiver of feeling comes over him, and he allows it to rack his body, clenching his fists with the pain of it, but holding back another outcry.

Gripping the wooden seat of the bench, he forces his emotion back down, enough of despair, enough humiliation, time to gather his dignity and move on! He decides to allow himself six months of mourning for his lost hopes, and then he will find himself a beautiful girl of impeccable breeding, with a good temper and hopefully some sense, marry her and raise a family of his own. Let Miss Elizabeth Bennet moon over George Wickham, see what that gets her, let her feel humiliation and heartbreak like he is feeling now. It will serve her right for believing such abject lies about him, as if he has ever treated even the lowliest servant with less than careful consideration.

His anger rises up once more, taking the pain away for a few blessed moments. Imagine any woman rejecting him in favour of George Wickham, the most worthless man alive. It's enough to make his blood boil, the thought of Wickham always is, but now, the image of Miss Elizabeth vehemently defending him, it cannot be borne. She must know the truth. Not only to save her from him, but also to clear his own name, he will avoid meeting her from now on of course, and she hates him like poison, but still he cannot bear the idea of her thinking that Fitzwilliam Darcy would ever stoop to robbing anyone of their legal inheritance, not even George Wickham.

It is bad enough he let himself quarrel with her as if they were both spoiled children. How quickly she got him to lose his temper, maybe that only proves it's better this way, separated from her forever. The difference in connections between them is clearly too huge to ever be conquered, if she cannot understand his motives to try his utmost to resist her attraction, how could they be together?

How will he ever face her to tell her the truth about Wickham? She hates him and will never hear him out. And even if she will agree to listen to him, she'll never believe him, Wickham has told her a bunch of lies no doubt, and with Darcy's own reserved manners and Miss Elizabeth's prejudice against him, how can he avoid making things worse, getting hurt even worse? Facing her is out of the question, it would be a punishment to her, and torture to himself.

Ask cousin Fitzwilliam? Miss Elizabeth likes his cousin, would listen to him, and Darcy realises he will tell Fitzwilliam about his blighted hopes anyway, even now his grief is already too large a burden to keep to himself altogether, it will gnaw at his insides until he will not be able to lead his life in any semblance of sanity anymore. But to let his cousin do his own dirty work, that's just shameful.

Thinking of Fitzwilliam, he decides to pay him a visit straight away, maybe he knows how to cure a broken heart. In total silence Darcy finds his way into the house and to his cousin's door. As he knocks on the door, Fitzwilliam's voice calls to come in, and Darcy opens the door and enters.

Taking a single look at him, the Colonel says: 'Something's up, Darcy, I can tell by your very look. Not Georgiana I hope?'

Shaking his head, momentarily unable to speak, Darcy sits down on the first available chair, face in his hands. 'Will you trust me with what happened, Darcy?' Fitzwilliam asks feelingly. They are good friends, and he has never seen Darcy look this distraught.

'That is exactly what I hoped you'd ask, Fitzwilliam, or I wouldn't disturb you at this time of night. I need to tell someone or go mad slowly.' Darcy finds it very difficult to speak of the humiliating scene: 'Tonight, I went to the parsonage and asked Miss Elizabeth Bennet to accept my hand in marriage.'

After he's gotten that out, he falls silent once more.

Colonel Fitzwilliam nods in acknowledgement and observes: 'I can't say I'm surprised, Darcy, to hear you say you admire Miss Eliza. You did behave a bit peculiarly around her these last two weeks. But from the look on your face I'd say you met with great lack of success, or you would be smiling and demanding my congratulations instead of sitting there all curled up like a whipped dog.

I'm sorry to see you in so much pain. Will you tell me what happened? It might bring a little relief.'

And Darcy gives his cousin a full and honest account of everything that was said and done, and the Colonel shakes his head incredulously in places, and nods in sympathy in others. For Darcy is as scrupulously honest to his cousin on the subject of his pride and his shame towards his family as he was to Miss Elizabeth, and Colonel Fitzwilliam has real trouble hiding his incomprehension from his sympathetic but in matters of love obviously rather misguided cousin: why would he tell the woman he loved things like that? How would it make her want to marry him?

It is clear Darcy truly loves Miss Eliza, has in fact even determined she is the only possible wife for him, and Fitzwilliam has never seen him in love before, so in Darcy's case this may very well be true. He totally agrees with Darcy's choice, Miss Eliza is very desirable to himself as well, had he been as independent as his cousin he would not have hardened his heart against her from the start, and he would have very likely allowed himself to fall in love with her. But he would have proposed to her as a gentleman should, and before that he would have wooed her with loving attention and growing tenderness.

For how could Darcy fancy himself loved by Miss Eliza, how could he not have noticed her dislike of him? It was so obvious to the Colonel, that he actually thought his cousin Darcy's pensiveness in Miss Eliza's presence was caused by his regret at having someone for whom he nursed a distinct fancy, talk to him with such animosity and such willingness to hurt him.

To the Colonel it was pretty obvious Darcy looked at Miss Eliza with interest, but to her it must have come as a total surprise, Darcy expressed his ardour so subtly that only someone who knows him really well, like himself, could have seen it. To her, his proposal must have caught her totally off guard.

Colonel Fitzwilliam decides not to pain his cousin further with elaborations on the unsuitability of his manners towards Miss Eliza, Darcy needs to find that out for himself, or he'll never learn and get angry at him into the bargain.

So, the only thing he can do for Darcy is to try to comfort him as best he can, which is not very much, for it is clear the poor chap is feeling his loss badly, and is coping by retreating even further into his own world, gathering his dignity and pride around him instead of trying to find the reason for his rejection at least partly within himself.

Having quite a fancy for Miss Eliza himself, Colonel Fitzwilliam knows what Darcy must be feeling, she is a superior creature and he commends his cousin's exquisite taste in women. He is also well-able to imagine Darcy's disappointment at losing every chance of winning her and learning of her ill-opinion.

In fact, as Fitzwilliam has contemplated ever since noticing his cousin's preference, Darcy and Miss Eliza would make a very good couple indeed, but if Darcy's behaviour to Miss Eliza as he has observed it the last few weeks is an indication of his behaviour to her throughout their acquaintance, so reserved, so haughty, the Colonel doesn't wonder at her dislike of him.

And with the added offence of his arrogance and his insults towards her family during his proposal, and the knowledge of Darcy's betrayal of her sister, which Miss Eliza unfortunately heard from the Colonel himself, there is no way that she will ever give Darcy the chance to show her that he is actually a very kind and generous man, just reserved towards strangers, and apparently even more so to a woman he has grown to love but doesn't know how to talk to with any spontaneity.

The Colonel actually feels sorry for him, Darcy has been alone for such a long time, always having women chase him for his fortune, eager to find approval in his behaviour towards them, seeking his favour with determination, small wonder he finally gave his heart to the one woman who challenged him, and piqued him. If Miss Eliza only knew the real Mr Darcy, she might very well be able to love him, but as matters are now that will never be.

An idea takes shape in the Colonel's mind: what if he convinces Darcy to write a letter to explain himself, tell the truth about Wickham, maybe make an excuse about Miss Eliza's sister, and name his cousin Fitzwilliam as his proof he's not lying? Then the Colonel will visit her himself before they leave, tell her what Darcy is really like as opposed to the man she has seen so far, and try to convince her to at least allow Darcy to show her that he is not the arrogant, disdainful man she thinks he is?

Colonel Fitzwilliam dares flatter himself that he must have some influence with Miss Eliza, they have grown quite close in the last few weeks, he knows he can convince her that Darcy is truly worth knowing, that he actually is a very generous man with the potential for strong feelings. That is the thing to do, get him to write a letter, then when she has read it, talk to her himself and beg her to reconsider his cousin.

And with that resolution he suppresses a flash of envy, he knows Miss Eliza likes him, might even be convinced to marry him, the Colonel wouldn't care in the least about any lack of connections or want of sense of her family if he truly loved a woman, but without an independent income he can only marry a woman with a fortune of her own. So he will ignore his own wishes, and exert himself for his cousin, try to make up a little for his blunder of accidentally telling her about Darcy's interference between her sister and Mr Bingley.

Darcy is quite willing to let his cousin convince him to write an explanatory letter to Miss Elizabeth, first thing tomorrow, when his current anger has had some time to cool off. 'You do not want to rile her up even more, remember. I can imagine the two of you will never meet again, but you want her to hate you less nonetheless. You're a good man, Darcy, never doubt that. And talk to me when you're in pain, I know what you've lost.'

His cousin's words do not make Darcy's pain any less, but somehow it is easier to bear, knowing someone close to him is aware of what has happened. And maybe even a little more: 'You sound as if you truly understand, Fitzwilliam.'

'I do, Darcy,' his cousin replies, 'if I had your independence, we would have been competitors from the moment I met Miss Eliza. As it is, I feel a similar regret, only I was aware from the very start she was not for me. You know I cannot marry without attention to money.'

'And you've only known her for two weeks. But was it just money stopping you?'

The Colonel laughs, and says: 'For a woman like her I'd drop all my friends and family. I don't value birth as much as you do, Darcy. You tell me, what did you ever do to earn your position in life? You just happened to be born in the right family, and without an older brother. It's all just coincidence, her lower stature does not make her less valuable as a person. I'd marry her in a second, but as it is I guarded my heart well, so as not to suffer disappointment.'

Darcy has never seen it that way, and is actually a bit offended at the suggestion that he doesn't do anything to deserve his respectability in life. 'I work hard to make sure everyone on my estate is happy and well cared-for,' he retorts, but his cousin will not have that: 'I know you do, and I commend you for it. It is why I am sorry Miss Eliza never got to see the real Darcy, but only a very reserved, disdainful shade of you. But you are a noble by birth, not by merit, and the same goes for your grounds and fortune: you take good care of them and use them well, but you would have had them no matter, for the sole reason that you were heir to them from the day you were born.'

That is true, and something that bears thinking about.

Ignoring the fact that his cousin just tells him that he would have married the woman Darcy loves to distraction without any second thoughts on her connections or family, if only he had the money, Darcy asks: 'You think she never saw who I really am? You think she doesn't hate me, but someone she thinks I am?'

'I do, Darcy,' the Colonel replies, 'you were a totally different man in her company, and at the risk of me being rude, not a nice man. Very reserved, and rather haughty. I know it's not who you really are, but it appears that way, and if you then proceed to tell her you love her against your will, against your reason, what do you expect her to say?

'Don't worry about insulting me and everyone I love, Mr Darcy, I'll try to find love for you anyway?''

Darcy can only come up with a meagre: 'I just didn't know what to say most of the time.'

Even as he says this, Darcy knows it is not true. He did feel superior, and didn't want to talk to her as familiarly as his cousin did for fear of creating expectations in her. And now she hates him, and everything is lost. Better sleep on it, then write that letter, and hope the pain will go away eventually.

He thanks his cousin and retreats to his own room quietly, where he manages to find some oblivion in sleep, but wakes the next morning to the same thoughts as the night before, and still with quite a bit of anger.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Once dressed, he sits down at his desk and starts to write, still unable to comprehend how he went out to give the woman of his dreams what he thought she wanted, and got a blunt rejection and a lot of reproofs in return. No need to study for words of four syllables now, finding the right tone is paramount, and the amount of information he wants to let Miss Elizabeth Bennet in on.

Does he trust her with all the particulars? Better start to make his objectives clear, she might think he wants to beg her for her hand once more, that would be humiliating into the extreme. If he thought it would have any effect, he would, but he knows it is no use, she'd only despise him more.

When his intentions are described to perfection, he starts with her sister, put George Wickham off a little longer. Suppose her sister did really love Bingley, then Miss Elizabeth has good reason to hate him. Bingley too, he's still not over Miss Bennet, his friend is doing his best to hide it, but it's no use at all, Darcy can read him like a book.

Seen from their point of view, it was a despicable thing to do, but that is the trouble with those people who let feelings run their lives, they hardly ever gain anything, what have his feelings brought him but anxiety and pain? Better go back to reason and safety, let his wishes go, be at peace again.

He is progressing nicely now, trying not to humiliate himself too much, but admit to his wrongs where he sees them. As he writes, his mind calms down even more, it is good to be able to explain, and he sincerely hopes she will believe him and be wary around Wickham.

An hour sees the letter finished, and himself determined to deliver it to her in person. It will be very difficult, she has blighted his hopes, she has him under her foot, crushed, but he will face her to exonerate himself, she may still hate him, but not for things he didn't do. Gathering his dignity and avoiding his aunt, he walks into the little park in the hope of meeting Miss Elizabeth there on her morning walk.

The park is very pretty this early in spring, he can understand what draws her to it, her love for solitary walks has always intrigued him, such an independent spirit, to not depend on a companion, not even a horse, just herself and nature. Such a strong character she has, and still she is so attached to her family.

He was so looking forward to seeing those lovely eyes gaze at him, mirroring the love he felt inside, still feels in every fibre of his being. No. That is not the right way to handle this, she does not love him, she will not love him, he needs to be collected and calm, he can't face her with love in his eyes, and in his face, she'll not only hate him, but despise him for his weakness. Just be polite, and allow himself to indulge in his feelings a little afterwards.

But first things first.

There she comes, now be strong. She is late, but at least she's here now. Miss Elizabeth has seen him and turns away instantly, that's positively hurtful, but he needs to hand her the letter, so he calls out her name. As she turns back and comes closer, Darcy's throat closes and he cannot breathe, she's so lovely, and not triumphant at all, but rather as nervous as he is, at least she is not gloating at having been able to hurt him so badly. He would really have hated that.

With an effort he finds his voice again, a strange, constricted voice, very much affected by his feelings, with which he pleads her to read his letter to do him justice, and hands it to her. Then he takes one last good look at her, and walks back to the house, trying to hide his feelings by walking as upright as ever.

So that was it. The last time he ever saw Miss Elizabeth Bennet, who took away his tranquillity for five months, set his heart afire, had him ready to throw off his family-honour, then trampled his heart and hurt his pride. It will be another six months to forget her, and then life will move on.

But of course it doesn't work that way. When he gets back, his cousin tells him: 'You cannot act any differently, Darcy, you would certainly visit the parsonage to say goodbye to Mr and Mrs Collins, and Miss Eliza, before they leave. It would be very impolite not to.'

'You are right, Fitzwilliam, I would, and I should so so now.' Darcy decides to go straight away, hoping she will still be off for her walk. And fortunately for him she is, he leaves a message with her friend and waits at his aunt's house for Fitzwilliam to return, who has promised to allow Miss Elizabeth the opportunity to ask him for confirmation of the facts Darcy states in his letter to her.

Although his cousin was almost eager to comply, when he comes back, Fitzwilliam says: 'I'm sorry, Darcy, I have waited nearly an hour, but not I didn't get to see even a glimpse of Miss Eliza. I so wished to see her.' He seems disappointed at this, and Darcy cannot wonder at that, since his cousin admitted to admiring her himself. He must have wanted to say goodbye personally. The next day, they leave, with Darcy barely able to say goodbye to his aunt and cousin Anne without showing his intense sadness and regret.

The following week he spends with his cousin Fitzwilliam at his father's, Darcy's uncle's estate, in a near constant state of despair and grief, his reproaches now turning towards himself, as he slowly starts to understand what he has done, mostly to himself. Recalling every word, every sentence he said to Miss Elizabeth, and the reproaches she made him on his person, on his address, he is starting to see how they must have angered her beyond belief.

There is no way in which he can make any excuses for himself. He was deluded about her feelings for him, but that was all of his own doing, if he honestly reviews all their meetings and their conversations, she never once encouraged him in anything, she always showed at least some dislike of him. How could he have been so blind?

And his behaviour towards her really was exactly what she reproached him with, arrogant, disdainful, not just reserved or shy, no, he really did look down on her at that time, for being below his station. Had she accepted him, he would have tried to change her, he would have expected her to check herself in company, to behave more fashionably and more lady-like. He would have ruined her by forcing her to be as artificial as the ladies he judged insincere.

Frankly, he didn't deserve her, what he did deserve was a large dose of bitter medicine, to cure him of his conceit. He did do his best to live up to his name and his position, but he did it in disdain of people he thought below him, even if they had already proven to him they had more sense than those of his own class.

He should join his friends in town, Bingley has written to speed up his return, but he cannot face his friend yet, in the knowledge that he has ruined Bingley's happiness without real reason, and with his own pain still so fresh and so intense.

Miss Bingley and her sister cannot be borne, their inferiority to Miss Elizabeth so glaring and so confronting. To think he meant to turn a woman of such feeling and such intelligence into one of them, the constant reminder of what he planned to do in his infinite arrogance and foolishness still too painful to be confronted with anyone, really.

All these reflections do not diminish his feelings of loss, his love for Miss Elizabeth kept him in a constant state of some gladness, even when he didn't see her for months on end. He never was an impatient man, his feelings were still so torn, he used the time apart sensibly, deciding how to act, and all that time an image of her was ready to daydream about at a moment's notice.

That memory hurts. She was never for him, she disliked him even then, and as he now admits to himself, rightfully so.

Despite his humble realisation that because he thought she was not good enough for him, he was not good enough for her, he still thinks they would suit each other very well. If he could only have accepted her superiority over all the young ladies he knew, and appreciated her as such, and treated her with respect and yes, some affection, they could have been the perfect couple.

With Miss Elizabeth keeping him aware that his birth was just a coincidence, as his cousin so rightfully stated, and her superior people skills and loving nature to keep him soft and human, she might have increased his respectability as well as made him perfectly happy and a lot easier to live with.

And with his means at her disposal, and his love and his mind to support her in her development, she could have improved herself even beyond her own expectation. There was so much potential in her without ever having had tutoring, how much would she have learned with all the education a London residence had to offer? And for her playing, not a London master, but the constant example of Georgiana's application would have motivated her to do the same, improving her performance until she was amazed at her own progress.

Georgiana would have loved her so much, such genuine feeling, such frankness, she would always know what her sister was thinking, never wondering whether Miss Elizabeth was just pretending to be her friend.

All that will never be, and since after a week's contemplation he still doesn't feel up to joining Bingley and his sisters, he writes to excuse himself, using business with his steward as excuse, and heads off alone to his beautiful estate.

There is always business to attend to at Pemberley, and this time is no exception. Keeping busy turns out to be the best cure for being sick with love, and his self-reproach and deep regrets slowly sink in and only bother him at night, and sometimes shortly by day, when he finds himself in a beautiful spot of his woods for instance, catching himself thinking how Miss Elizabeth would love to ramble here, all by herself, getting to know the trees and the lanes, or better still, with him holding her hand, kissing every time they are out of sight of the house, spending entire mornings together.

That isn't going to help forget her, but the sadness these thoughts bring is sweet in itself, and a sign he can at least feel love for someone, something he was starting to doubt after years of being alone.

A few weeks of steady exercise and application to his duties follow, Mrs Reynolds clearly worried at his lack of appetite and lack of interaction with friends, but too much in awe of him to ask. He finds out that his staff are actually quite good company in themselves, his steward a very smart and observant man, also very discrete for he never comments on his master's solicitude either.

The coachman always helpful to saddle his horse yet another time for a solitary ride, Miss Elizabeth might have turned him into a walker in her company, as things are now he prefers to sample nature from the back of a horse, though he doesn't feel like hunting at all.

His huntsman suggests discreetly: 'Begging your pardon, sir, but you haven't had your hunters saddled in weeks, nor have you asked to have the dogs out. But you know there's always some times in a man's life, when a morning or afternoon of quiet trout-fishing can settle his needs more than the exertion and excitement of a hunt.'

Seeing the truth in this, Darcy replies: 'I believe you, Oliver, let's do that then, tomorrow morning after breakfast.' And Oliver is right, a morning of casting on the banks of the gurgling river does bring a lot of inner peace, and he continues the practise, but of course his regrets and his self-reproach keep haunting him regularly.

Finally Mrs Reynolds dares to ask: 'Mr Darcy, sir, I can't stand keeping my silence any longer. Whatever is the matter with you, there is no spirit or appetite left in you, you're not ill, are you?' She looks so genuinely worried, anxious actually, that he decides to tell her a tiny part of the truth: 'Never mind me, Mrs Reynolds, I'm not dying of consumption, I've merely encountered some adversity in a matter of the heart. I'm lovesick, time alone will cure me.'

Apparently Mrs Reynolds knows of another cure for love-sickness, for from that moment on all his meals and coffee-times include a few small sweet treats. And since they do indeed give some comfort, he appreciates them and they keep coming, and Mrs Reynolds for all intents and purposes stops worrying and never asks any further discourse on the nature of his grief.

Physical exercise and his work on the running of his estate give him even more peace of mind in the next month or so, and when his sister arrives for a week's visit he is ready for some company.

She is as pretty and as sweet as ever, and her playing stirs a lot of feeling inside him, such a talent, and such determination in a girl her age.

With the arrival of his sister, the love he still feels for Miss Elizabeth can finally find a tiny outlet, and he shows her a lot more brotherly love than he used to. She is worried about him, he cannot always keep his grief from showing, and she asks him: 'Fitzwilliam, you seem rather out of sorts, are you all right?'

He replies: 'Well enough', and though that proves something is the matter with him or he would say 'I'm fine' or 'I most certainly am', he is clearly not in the mood to explain or elaborate. So she just accepts his tokens of affection, aware that sitting together and chatting quietly, or her playing and him listening to music, or walking out together clearly helps him process whatever depresses him nearly all the time. He must be depressed, not sick, for he eats sweets, which he didn't use to, and Mrs Reynolds doesn't seem very worried, which she would be if he were ill.

Apparently he doesn't want to share his thoughts with his sister, and Georgiana cannot force him to unburden his mind, though she wishes he would.

When she leaves for London, he accompanies her to their town-house, where he finally meets Bingley and his sisters again. And as he suspected, in Bingley he can clearly recognise some of the symptoms he must show himself, only processed longer and therefore less acute. But Bingley's suffering is of Darcy's infliction, a thing that burdens his conscience, and makes him decide to set things to right with his friend as soon as possible.

Darcy takes great care his friends will not see any of those symptoms in him, but to keep his mind from reminiscing, or reproaching himself, is very tiring, and he often excuses himself to go home early to sit with his sister or even go to bed, or to take a long walk through a public park, to be with as much nature as he can find in town.

He often wonders whether Miss Elizabeth has given his explanatory letter any credit, and he is often apprehensive that its tone was still rather haughty. He can resign himself to never seeing her again, but he really regrets leaving her with such an impression of him. Still, as long as she is safe from Wickham, his letter has served its main purpose.

His cousin visits, and they go out together with Georgiana, then have dinner with Darcy's friends in his house. Late that night, with everyone gone home and Georgiana off to bed, the two of them nipping at a superb brandy, Fitzwilliam observes: 'You're pining for Miss Eliza, aren't you Darcy? I can see it in everything, you still hurt so much. I commend your aptitude at hiding it from your friends, but wouldn't it give some relief to talk about your regrets?'

He replies: 'It would, but not with my friends. They wouldn't understand how I still have sleepless nights over a woman with family in Cheapside.' As Fitzwilliam draws him out further, Darcy realises he has not taken any trouble at all to let go of his love for Miss Elizabeth. He has processed his grief, has learned to hide it from the world, manages to enjoy himself again in the company of his friends, but he still cherishes Miss Elizabeth's memory above anything else.

He doesn't reproach her anything anymore, she is more perfect than she ever was in his heart, he just cannot stop thinking of her with love. He can stop thinking of a future with her, but that is an entirely different thing.

Showing his concern clearly, his cousin asks: 'There you go again, losing yourself in vain wishes. Can't you try to meet another lady? I know summer is not the prime season for socialising, but there must be somewhere you can see some fresh faces, make some new friends? Miss Eliza is not the only woman in the world, you know.' Of course Darcy knows that, but Fitzwilliam knows as well as Darcy does that social events are a punishment for him to have to attend, why would he volunteer to do so and listen to empty-headed ladies and gentlemen talk nonsense?

Besides, no other woman can catch his attention, he doesn't even look at them to find fault anymore, a game Miss Bingley and himself used to play with relish. It no longer amuses him, and Miss Bingley realises something has changed. But she doesn't know what, exactly, oblivious to his total disinterest in herself or any other woman he comes across.

His cousin soon gives up on trying to talk him out of his feelings of loss, and merely offers: 'I can see you're not ready to move on at all. Do you want to share your feelings with me then?' And Darcy does, sharing his reflections on his own past behaviour with his cousin, and Fitzwilliam's honest approval and support make Darcy feel much better than his kindly meant, but premature advice to find another love.

As his desire for Miss Elizabeth slowly extinguishes, but his love for her remains, still setting her apart from any other woman in the country, Darcy finds a kind of new acceptance of his way of life. He does his duties, with a little more enthusiasm than before, since they take him on long rides and offer some contact with the staff he has come to appreciate for their discrete support of his pain, now less acute, a sort of nagging ache in the back of his mind.

And he makes fun with his friends, still keeping a sharp eye out for Bingley but with more respect for his friend's own integrity. He has overstepped the bounds of friendship once, to both their detriment, and it will not happen again.

Darcy is certain that if Bingley sees Miss Bennet again, his love will flare up and assure his happiness within weeks. But that would bring her sister into their circle, and Darcy cannot face that thought at all, not yet. Seeing her would overwhelm him, his love for Miss Elizabeth has not faded at all, it may have deepened in fact, for he has let go of his doubts about her and her family altogether, he knows no other woman can ever make him happy, and he is no longer trying to forget her within six months. He knows she will never be his, and has accepted that letting go of his love for her will take however long it takes, but if Bingley marries her sister and he meets her regularly, Darcy will never be able to let the conviction of Miss Elizabeth's perfection go, and he will stay single forever, the thought of another woman in his arms inconceivable.

Still, he has a duty towards his friend Bingley and he will find the courage to honour it, but not just yet.

Another month passes by with various duties and amusements, and though Darcy still cherishes Miss Elizabeth's memory, he cannot regret the past very much anymore. For though his lost love still pains him a lot, he also feels her reproaches have changed him for the good, have made him a better man.

He realises now that despite all the effort he put into being a good landowner and a good person, he did all that out of some kind of vanity, not from real concern for those whose lives he rules to a large extent. He never saw his staff and his tenants as individuals before, they were just people to him, frankly he thought them beneath his notice.

But since he has spend a lot of time on his estate by himself he has found his dependents not that much different from himself. They all lead the best lives they can, and most of them are very aware that their master is not feeling well, and try to make things easier for him without being nosy or indiscreet.

A tiny part of him is actually rather proud of himself, how he managed to turn himself around and start caring about people more. And as he did that, he started to find it easier to talk to people in general, to become interested in their lives, to enjoy their stories and their experiences, whatever their status in life. Miss Elizabeth may never know, but she did him a big favour not only by letting him know how little he had to offer her, but also by showing him how small a life he was leading.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As he and Georgiana prepare to move to Pemberley for summer with Bingley and his sisters, Darcy actually feels some spirit returning to him, an eagerness to be back in the country with its sports and its amusements, at the height of summer, when Pemberley is at its most beautiful. Why not go today, to talk business with his steward, but also to have some time alone first?

Miss Bingley's constant attentions can be very tiring, one would say she'd have given up by now, he will not tell her off, but why can't she take a hint? He's not interested in her, in fact, he's not interested in any woman for now, only three months have passed by, and he's long since given up his goal of conquering his lingering love for Miss Elizabeth within half a year. Why should he? He's not in a hurry to get married to someone he doesn't care about.

Proving that he, too, can act on impulse, he tells Georgiana he has business with his steward, always a good excuse, and they will meet again at Pemberley. Of course she accepts this without complaint, she always does, she could use some of Miss Elizabeth's independence, she is way too docile in Darcy's new view on things. He realises that her behaviour is largely due to his own severity in raising her, but that also makes it his responsibility to try to give her some backbone in the few years she will still be under his guardianship.

As it is, he fears she will not be able to gain the respect of any man, he wouldn't dream of having such an obedient woman himself. The kind of man attracted to her docile manners cannot be the kind of hands Darcy would want to see her in. Too bad Miss Elizabeth isn't in his acquaintance anymore to show her some spunk.

The thought of her makes him want to be alone even more, and he has his horse saddled quickly, a long ride is exactly the right situation to allow himself some time with his memories and faded dreams. Taking leave is a matter of minutes, he will see his friends soon enough, now he wants to be by himself.

Finding no hardship in several days of solitary travel, he spends most of the time reviewing the last three months, compared to his life before he had his behaviour corrected by Miss Elizabeth. Not for the first time, he wonders whether she still hates him, or whether his letter has made her feelings a little milder towards him.

It would be worth quite a bit to him to know how she is doing, of course he can just tell Bingley her sister probably loves him after all, and they'll all be at Netherfield within days.

But that is a bit too confronting, he is afraid he cannot act perfectly normal towards Miss Elizabeth, yet, will not be able to for at least another three months. And since that coincides with the height of the shooting season, it is only natural to have their sport at Pemberley first, then move to Netherfield. If Miss Bennet has found another suitor by then, she wasn't the woman Bingley took her for anyway.

Three days later he rides onto his own grounds, resigned to his current life once more by the exercise and the beauty of the country all around him. He is welcomed by one of the stable-hands, a sturdy chap of around twenty who always seems to be in an excellent mood. And today Darcy wants to know why, so, as the young man takes his horse, he asks: 'Say Peter, you are always in such a sunny mood, how do you do that?'

Conquering a little shyness at being addressed so familiarly by the master, the young man replies: 'Mr Darcy, sir, I just like horses a lot. And you have such beautiful ones, and I get to exercise most of them every day.'

'So that's it, you just like to ride beautiful horses? That puts you in an excellent mood each day, even when it's pouring cats and dogs? Nothing more?' With a smile, Darcy can see Peter is starting to get the hang of talking freely to a figure of authority.

'Well, there is the misses, too, sir. I've got married last spring, but we were sweethearts since we were just children. Got a young one coming, too.'

A child on the way already, and him only twenty years old! For a moment, Darcy feels old and lonely, but then he realises he is the master of this beautiful place, with all these nice people depending on him, and it is summer and the weather is fine, and he claps his startled stable-boy on the shoulder and says: 'Good for you, Peter, be nice to her, a good woman at your side is invaluable.'

And he walks away from the stables, over the road towards the front of the house, seeing one of the gardeners leading a little group of visitors in the direction of the river for a tour of the park. He waves at his man, John, the head-gardener, and sees a look of total surprise on the poor man's face. Apparently it is a strange thing, to be waved at by one's master.

The visitors, city folk by the general look of their clothing, turn around for a last look at the building, it is rather grand, admittedly, and as he looks at them to see their faces, his heart nearly falters and his throat slams shut, for one of them is Miss Elizabeth Bennet.

He feels his cheeks heat up with the deepest of blushes, and while he stands rooted to the ground and his mouth cannot make even the slightest sound, his mind fortunately comes to his rescue, bringing to his attention that her colour is not much different, and not with anger, but with similar embarrassment.

It also forces him to forget pain, love and yes, a flare of desire, to take this one chance to show her that he has taken her reproofs seriously and has attended to them, by being the most gracious host she has ever met. Starting immediately.

By now his body and voice obey him again, he manages to walk towards her, and he bows to her and says gently: 'Miss Elizabeth, what a pleasure to see you again.' She seems very uncomfortable indeed, does she still hate him? No matter, he has learned to make conversation, and he will be friendly.

'I'm so glad to meet once more, and such a long way from your home. Have you been travelling long? Were your family well when you left them?' She responds to each question with a soft, almost bashful voice, very unusual for her, but at least she doesn't seem angry at him anymore, or averse, merely very much embarrassed. She must feel caught to be here, he suddenly realises, after what happened in Hunsford she must think he hates the very sight of her. But he doesn't, now the first shock has passed he wants her to stay a little longer and feel comfortable.

He tries to keep up a conversation, but she seems totally overcome, and he cannot think of anything to say, his mind is starting to get overwhelmed by his feelings. He doesn't mind standing here just looking at her, but she has company and they'll want to complete the tour. With great regret he repeats: 'It was such a pleasure to meet you, Miss Elizabeth, I can't tell you how much it means to me to see you in Derbyshire.'

Then he bows and leaves, his mind in turmoil, his body actually shaking with the delayed reaction to his shock. As he walks towards the house he becomes aware of the fact that he has been on a horse for four days straight, and though he has bathed and changed clothes more than once, the weather is hot and riding is physical exercise, and he must smell rather noticeably.

But his mind refuses to feel anything but satisfaction at seeing Miss Elizabeth on his very own estate, and having had the opportunity to show her he can be a very nice person.

Once inside the house he is met by Mrs Reynolds, who of course notices his state of confused excitement, and dares ask: 'Mr Darcy, we didn't expect you until tomorrow. Are you feeling well? You look flushed and out of sorts.'

To his horror, he hears himself say: 'I'm fine, Mrs Reynolds. I just ran into the lady who caused me to be lovesick these last months. It was quite a shock, but I think I handled myself well.'

The poor housekeeper nearly faints at someone daring to hurt her dear master, and she blurts out with feeling: 'You mean that young lady who just viewed the house? You love her?' Her voice expresses her doubt at the young lady being good enough for her master, let alone allowed to hurt him, but she also clearly finds she has overstepped her role as housekeeper: 'I'm sorry sir, I was out of bounds. She just seemed so...ordinary.'

'Never mind, Mrs Reynolds, you've known me for most of my life, and I know you mean well. Miss Elizabeth Bennet is anything but ordinary, she is a most gifted young lady and well-worth suffering over. Besides, she has reason to dislike me, however impossible that may sound to you. I just want to convince her I'm actually quite a nice man.'

Relieved by his forthrightness, the estimable lady observes: 'Well, I told her you were the best landlord and master, and brother, anyone could ever have. And she contemplated your portrait for quite some time. I didn't think anything of it until now.

They're doing the tour of the park, Mr Darcy, and that'll take them at least an hour. Better think of something nice to say or do in that time.'

And with that, she is gone, back to her duties no doubt.

But her solid advice does make him think. Dare he meet Miss Elizabeth on purpose and be nice once more? Frankly, he has nothing to lose. The situation between them cannot become any worse, he can only be the gainer here. She will love his park, and feel very mild with all those trees around her.

Question is, does he have time to bathe and change? Or will he meet her smelly and dirty?

Somehow she doesn't strike him as someone who cares what a man smells like, as long as he treats her with respect. A quick wash and a clean coat then and off he goes, as long as his courage is high.

Expecting them to take the usual circuit, he walks it in the opposite direction, and after twenty minutes he can see John and the three visitors crossing the bridge that is the turning point, well ahead of him. He walks on and tries to prepare for the meeting he wishes for but dreads as well. He has so much to lose.

Now wait a minute, didn't he just decide he had nothing to lose? What changed? Don't be a fool, he tells himself emphatically, don't let desire get a hold of you again, think of the heartbreak. He may still love her, but there is no use in expecting her to change her opinion of him enough to give him a chance of winning her after all.

But if there is any place where he has the advantage, it must be here, she must be feeling the beauty of this park, she must be wishing to explore every inch of it, and it is in his power to give her that, it is his mind that helped shape this park, a place that must appeal to her love of wild nature.

No further opportunity to beat himself up over his expectations, they'll meet in less than a minute, and when they finally do, today's optimistic mood has won a decided victory over the memory of the grief and despair that she caused him.

She is much more composed this time, and starts to admire the grounds as he had hoped, but somehow her own words embarrass her and she falls silent, blushing hotly. He was right in guessing she feels caught in a place she has no right to be.

But she has every right, and to prove it, he asks to include her companions in their conversation, it is the right thing to do and besides, they look rather interesting, middle-aged, clearly a married couple, and very fashionable, they must be Londoners by the looks of them. The husband seems very interested in fish, and he does not feel too important to talk to John about it.

His request makes an impression, though obviously surprised, Miss Elizabeth readily accedes to it, and with a hint of a smile on her beautiful features she says: 'Mr Darcy, this charming lady is Mrs Gardiner, and the gentleman over there risking a refreshing plunge in your beautiful stream is Mr Gardiner, they're both from London.'

See, he knew they were city-people. But Miss Elizabeth is not finished: 'Mr Gardiner is my uncle, my mother's brother. Aunt Gardiner, please meet Mr Darcy, the proprietor of all this magnificence.'

All right, he didn't see that one coming. That gentleman is the tradesman from Cheapside, the brother of her featherbrained mother? No wonder she's back to cheekiness all of a sudden, the old Darcy would have been abhorred to have asked to be introduced to ordinary people. The reformed Darcy couldn't have asked for a better opportunity to prove himself a changed man.

And at the same time his heart skips a beat for hearing Miss Elizabeth back to her usual perky self. Not wanting to give himself away, he suppresses a glad smile, and shakes hands with Mrs Gardiner, and when Mr Gardiner has approached and Miss Elizabeth says: 'Uncle Gardiner, you have of course recognised this tall gentleman from his large portrait in the house, but he has asked to be introduced to my companions, so here goes: Mr Darcy, my uncle, Mr Gardiner. And uncle, this is Mr Darcy, the owner of this beautiful park, the stream and every shiny fish in it.

Looking away for a very short moment to hide a smile impossible to suppress at Miss Elizabeth's jaunty introduction, Darcy has no sooner regained control over his facial muscles than he shakes hands with Mr Gardiner and starts up a conversation with him, on fish and fishing of course.

Mr Gardiner exceeds every expectation Darcy might have had of a city tradesman, he is very well-bred and very smart, a true delight to talk to. Darcy no longer wonders that Miss Elizabeth turned out so well, her mother must be the odd one in the family, apparently her uncle and aunt are truly genteel.

It is difficult not to smile from ear to ear, to have a chance encounter end up with him having a very nice talk about fishing with a man he wouldn't have deemed worthy of a single glance three months ago, and the good man's beautiful niece listening in, triumphing in her uncle's good taste and excellent manners. Darcy relishes the opportunity to show his sly observer how civil and friendly he can be, and he invites his new acquaintance to come and fish with him with true sincerity, he already likes this gentleman for himself, not only because he is rapidly falling for his niece once again.

It will be a true pleasure to have someone in their party who actually has something sensible and new to say, Mr Hurst is a great bore, and Bingley is a really good friend, but not someone with a distinct opinion on various interesting subjects, as Darcy is sure Mr Gardiner is.

They talk about fishing-tackle and species of fish for some time, and Darcy takes Miss Elizabeth's uncle to the water's edge to show him a very rare species of water plant that John has recently discovered here. They admire it through the crystal-clear water of the stream, and when they get back on the path, Mr Gardiner is claimed by his wife, who is clearly not a kindred spirit to her niece in that she is not a walker by choice. She wants her husband's arm to support her.

That means it falls to him to accompany their niece, and the very thought causes him anxiety and excitement all in one. Dare he offer her his arm? Better not, she is a great walker and cannot possibly be tired already, and he dare not become too familiar, for Miss Elizabeth is clearly not at ease at all in his company. Is it his fault? Has he been too familiar already?

'We were very surprised to see you, Mr Darcy,' she says, and she proceeds to explain they had been assured the family was not at home before they decided to view the house and grounds, as if she expects him to blame her for visiting his house in the course of a journey through Derbyshire. Of course he is not sorry at all at this chance to redeem himself in her eyes, but he doesn't tell her that, he just explains that his housekeeper didn't know he would come a day early, since he hadn't told anyone.

'I had business with my steward, and frankly, I felt like riding by myself, sometimes I just like to spend some hours all alone. The rest of the party will arrive tomorrow.'

He mentions Bingley and Bingley's sisters being in that party, but instantly regrets it, it is clear that subject is still too sensitive to both of them to be mentioned, and he changes the course of their conversation quickly by daring to ask a very great favour of her, hoping it will not put her off. He really wants to introduce his sister to Miss Elizabeth, not only to prove to her that he values her acquaintance, and to secure a chance to see her again, but also because he feels Georgiana might benefit from Miss Elizabeth's example of being a little more outspoken and self-assured.

Again, Miss Elizabeth is very surprised at his civility, and she reacts almost shyly, assenting to his request in a manner totally opposed to her usual assuredness. She does not seem to hate him anymore, but what is her feeling for him? He really cannot place it, she seems rather embarrassed, but not displeased by his forwardness. Does she still feel uncomfortable to be on his estate? Is she plagued by memories of Hunsford?

They walk on rather quickly, lagging is in neither of their characters, and they soon reach the carriage, with her uncle and aunt far behind. He dares to ask her to come into the house, but she says she is not tired, he can clearly see she is still very uncomfortable to be here, but why? She has just agreed to let him introduce her to his sister, it must be clear she is very welcome here?

Maybe she is one of those people who cannot enjoy a moment of silence in good company. He has noticed that before, it's one of his favourite pastimes, quietly experiencing the moment, but apparently it makes her uncomfortable. Too bad, for he was feeling very good just being with her, drinking in the sight of her, she looks really well, as pretty as ever, her skin a shade darker in summer, her features as pleasing as he remembers them, her beautiful eyes avoiding his own.

That cannot be right, what reason does she have to avoid facing him, she who stood up to him when he treated her without the proper respect, like no-one else had ever done, why would she avert her eyes now? She did nothing wrong, did she? The fault was all on his side.

But what if she doesn't think so, what if she is convinced part of the blame of that evening was hers? He would so love to tell her his opinion on that, but that is way too intimate. He would love to fall on his knees and beg her to forgive him, but that would be even less decorous. All he can do is be as friendly and as polite to her as he can, show her he repents his past behaviour, and hope to be forgiven.

She truly cannot bear the silence any longer, and starts to tell him about her travels in Derbyshire. Hearing her talk is even better than just watching her, for her observations always manage to surprise him, like that time she said a good sonnet could starve away an inclination to love quite efficiently. As he replies to her remarks on local sights he knows quite well, and even asks some questions about others, he cannot keep himself from recognising that his love for her is already growing rapidly again, way beyond even considering the application of poetry.

No matter how hopeless his love will turn out to be this time, it is already making his veins throb and his chest contract. He constantly smells the odour of horse on his own trousers, which may be for the best, for it he got a whiff of her scent his desire would be back instantly as well. It's nagging at the edge of his consciousness even now, making him want to stand closer to her, or take her hand. How would that ever help him to make her forget what happened that night, help to give him another chance?

She manages to keep up the conversation, with a little of his help, until her aunt has reached the carriage. Knowing they will not accept, he nonetheless invites all of them into the house for a refreshment, just to have tried. But they indeed refuse politely, and he hands the ladies into the carriage, Miss Elizabeth's hand hardly touching his.

Despite the lightness of her touch, he has to suppress an urge to hold the spot of his hand that had contact with hers, to his face, which he manages quite well. Until the carriage starts to move and he returns to the house. As soon as he is out of sight he does it anyway, and he imagines her hand is still in his and now resting on his face.

He cannot even fault himself for letting his self-discipline go this badly, his feeling is so much stronger than he is, even if he gets hurt even worse than last time, there is nothing he can do to stop this. But if he is going to suffer again, at least he will enjoy this moment while it lasts, and he goes to his own rooms and lets his imagination run away with him for half an hour, seeing himself accompany her on long walks through his woods, silence between them no longer uncomfortable, but bringing them closer together.

Then they spend an evening together in serious conversation on topics that move them, something they have in fact never even come close to. But Darcy is so very sure she would not disappoint him, she has so much depth, it would be such a privilege to explore her mind in endless private conversations.

And last of all he allows himself to imagine what it would be like to touch her, to hold her hand, to nuzzle her bare throat, how soft would her skin really be? He'd feel her hands on his cheeks, and through his hair, and then they'd kiss, slowly, he's never done that before and he knows she hasn't either. What would it be like? How would it feel to hold her close, to slowly undo a button, and another one... Right, that's enough fantasy for one night.

He is a gentleman, and gentlemen don't undress a lady before they are married to her. Not even in their fantasy, it would be indecent and demeaning. But a kiss is still acceptable, he will most likely suffer mental agony over this again, and to make up for that he will allow himself to drown in that sweet delusion once in a while.

But first, his steward is waiting.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After a very productive visit to his steward, Darcy takes his love-sickness outside, walking the path along the river once more, trying to deduce what Miss Elizabeth thought of him that afternoon. He really cannot tell, he thought her quite pleased by his civility, though embarrassed as well. But he once thought himself loved by her, and that turned out to be the worst mistake of his life so far. No, it is quite clear he cannot trust his own sense at all in this matter, and he will have to suffer suspense for a long long time yet, be happy with every kind word she gives him, and with every saucy speech or smart remark it pleases her to direct at him.

But one thing he dare conclude from this day's events: Miss Elizabeth Bennet does not hate him anymore, that much his letter has accomplished at the very least.

It takes Darcy a very long time to find sleep that night, first he takes another stroll across his grounds, after which he paces his bedroom feverishly, until he cannot keep his eyes open anymore. Then he lies on his bed and falls asleep instantly, waking early because he forgot to close the window and the drapes, bedroom bathing in early sunlight, and ears filled with the songs of countless birds.

He rises, bathes and dresses carefully despite the early hour, then goes out by himself once again, not on horseback this time, he will not smell of horse today. An hour's walk settles him reasonably well, and he enters the house for breakfast, finding Georgiana and her lady companion Mrs Annesley arrived and just having breakfast themselves.

Darcy has a hard time checking his feelings, knowing he will meet Miss Elizabeth again so very soon, but he tries his very best, and no-one seems to notice how he drifts between elation and anxiety.

He tells Georgiana about his wish for her to meet a young lady of his acquaintance, and he describes Miss Elizabeth Bennet as he sees her before his mind's eye, smart, beautiful and very lovely. Georgiana can honestly show him real curiosity to meet this lady, apparently Miss Elizabeth Bennet is near her own age, and still Fitzwilliam seems to admire her very much. He tries to hide his feelings, but Georgiana may be just sixteen and shy by nature, she is as keen an observer as he is, though much more subtle, and she can easily connect this lady being willing to meet Georgiana to her brother being in a very good mood for the first time in months.

It will be thrilling to finally meet the lady of Fitzwilliam's choice, he has taken long enough to find her, and if his mood of the last three months is any indication, he hasn't been very lucky in winning her so far.

Though Georgiana is rather tired from travelling the last stretch of the journey, having left at a very early hour, and is always wary of meeting new people, she is very keen to meet this young lady, and observe Fitzwilliam in her company.

As Darcy has his own breakfast, he watches his sister with admiration. Georgiana looks lovely, she is so womanly already, and maybe it isn't all that bad if she is a little shy. She's still young, she will probably find some self-confidence soon.

Bingley also appears at the breakfast table, and as Darcy proposes Georgiana to leave for their appointment with Miss Elizabeth Bennet in half an hour, he shows an immediate interest. Is Miss Eliza staying near Pemberley, and is she by herself, and can he join them in their visit?

At the second yes, his friend seems to show a little disappointment, but it is just a fleeting shadow across his friendly, open face, for he does like the affirmative answer to the other two questions. Seeing Miss Elizabeth apparently pleases him, too.

Soon, Georgiana and himself are on their way, Bingley to follow later on horseback, and Darcy is again having trouble controlling his excitement. He has to, though, not to give himself away to his sister.

Of course he fails miserably, she can spot his emotions in everything, his face, his posture, his voice, but he doesn't realise that, since she is much better at hiding her feelings than anyone, even her brother, has any idea of. Despite Fitzwilliam being the elder sibling, she does worry about him, she loves him dearly and he has been so very unhappy these last few months. It really hurt her to find him unwilling to talk about what happened, but she didn't dare insist.

Georgiana plans to observe her brother closely in the presence of this young woman, she feels she has the right to know what is happening in Fitzwilliam's life, he has changed so much, showing his love for Georgiana much more openly, and much more physically, hugging her, holding her close, kissing her hair absently. He never used to do that, he was so formal even with her, his own sister.

And he shows interest now in people he didn't even use to see unless he had some kind of business with them, like Mrs Annesley or Mrs Reynolds, the staff in their London house, the stable-boys and the gardeners here, all of them. He seems positively interested in all of them, knows their first names, knows about their lives, their families. He was nice to them before, took good care of them, and they loved him for that and didn't expect him to talk with his dependents about personal things, but Georgiana thinks he is a much better person as he is now.

Georgiana feels torn, on the one hand her brother's love for Miss Elizabeth has nearly broken his heart, on the other it has clearly made him a better person, for she doesn't hesitate to find his interest in other people a sign of him having improved himself. Whatever happened between those two? And what will happen with this renewal of their contact? Will she hurt him even further? Fitzwilliam doesn't seem to think so, he has told Georgiana nothing but good of the woman of his choice, he clearly feels there is only one like her in this entire world, though he doesn't say that out loud, she reads it between the lines of what he told her just now.

Sitting in the curricle with her beloved brother she hopes he will find happiness, he does so much good for the people around him, even before they started to interest him, he deserves someone to love, and to love him, she hopes so much Fitzwilliam is right about Miss Elizabeth.

In mutual silence, since they are much alike Georgiana doesn't get restless when her brother is silent, they arrive at the inn, Georgiana embarrassed at being treated with deference by the staff, she's just a girl after all. But she is used to it, though she never quite knows how to respond, she knows a lot of people call her proud because of that. She can't help it, it's not in her nature to be outgoing, if they cannot see that, there is nothing she can do about it, not for them and not for herself.

Maybe that's what kept Fitzwilliam from showing an interest in the people around him, maybe he used to be shy like her, except it's much more difficult for him, he needs to talk to everyone about business.

She looks at his face right beside her, he's very handsome, and he seems to be torn between anticipation and anxiety. When she takes his hand in hers and squeezes it to show him her support, he looks at her, slightly surprised, but he smiles sweetly at her loving gesture. Maybe she should set aside her fear and confront him today, see if she can get him to talk. She's no longer a child, after all, maybe they can be brother and sister for real from now on.

When they reach the door of Miss Elizabeth's apartment inside the inn, Georgiana is glad to be out of sight of most folk, though she will have to greet more strange people in there. Better get it over with soon, so she can just observe in silence. She enters the room behind the tall figure of her brother, a very safe place to be for now, though she will have to emerge eventually.

As Fitzwilliam introduces her to Miss Elizabeth Bennet, Georgiana as always finds it difficult to speak, but somehow Miss Elizabeth seems to understand, she does the talking for her, and it is hardly noticeable that Georgiana hasn't really said much at all. Her brother is pleased, he hasn't even heard, he seems a bit bemused actually.

Then she shakes hands with the two older people, Mr and Mrs Gardiner, very nice, understanding people as well. They clearly don't mind Georgiana keeping quiet, they are nice to her and let her recover from the shock of meeting three strangers at once. Introductions over, she can quietly observe what is happening around her, and she looks with interest at the interaction between Fitzwilliam and Miss Elizabeth. She does think that Miss Elizabeth wants Fitzwilliam to like her. She is a bit more restrained than him, as if she doesn't quite trust him. Whatever happened between those two? How could anyone not trust her brother? He has a heart of gold.

There really is no way to determine whether her brother has any chance of conquering Miss Elizabeth's heart. Maybe Miss Elizabeth doesn't know him that well, it's not unlikely, Georgiana supposes they've only met in company, and Fitzwilliam is not a talker, he's more like herself, an observer. Better try to talk a little herself, he's always eager for her to try, and of course he will want her to get acquainted with Miss Elizabeth.

Darcy meanwhile is glad to see Miss Elizabeth take to his sister immediately. She is smaller than Georgiana and her figure is much lighter, he could lift her easily. Small of figure, but such strength of mind, Darcy just cannot help admiring her.

Though she is only a few years Georgiana's senior, Miss Elizabeth clearly is much more self-assured, and very ready to take the younger girl under her wings. As soon as Georgiana is ready to make an effort to talk to Miss Elizabeth, the latter helps her by supplying subjects to discuss, and by livening their conversation with witty observations that Georgiana cannot help smiling at.

Miss Elizabeth would be such a very good example for his sister, of course they have totally different characters, but to have a friend near her own age would be such an asset. They would be just perfect as sisters. He is so taken by their interaction that he nearly forgets to tell Miss Elizabeth that Bingley is coming as well, and he is just in time, for footsteps can already be heard on the stairs.

As Bingley comes in, Miss Elizabeth is clearly happy to see him, she knows he didn't leave Miss Bennet of his own free will, something she probably still holds against Darcy himself. But he will make up for it, however this renewed acquaintance turns out. Even if his improved behaviour cannot convince Miss Elizabeth to look at him with more friendly eyes, Darcy will give her sister the chance to conquer Bingley, if they are both still interested.

As Miss Elizabeth talks to Bingley, and Georgiana follows their conversation without saying much, Darcy invites Mr Gardiner over to come fishing with him and his friends tomorrow, and they make an appointment at eleven. Mr Gardiner is very pleased, he says he loves fishing, especially on a lovely summer morning, in excellent company.

Darcy is again struck by how much he likes this man, it will be great fun to spend a morning fishing with him. And of course it will not hurt him in Miss Elizabeth's eyes either, but that is not the reason he is inviting Mr Gardiner, he is really looking forward to talking with him more, getting to know him.

Mrs Gardiner seems surprisingly interested in Bingley, but of course, she's Miss Bennet's aunt as well, and her niece probably confided in her during her stay in London. Darcy also notices Mrs Gardiner having a decided interest in himself, especially in those few moments that he manages to exchange a few words with her niece. Did Miss Elizabeth confide in her as well? It would be a natural thing for a young woman to do, it must be impossible to confide in her featherheaded mother, and she has been travelling with her nice, stable aunt for weeks.

Well, even if that is the case, Mrs Gardiner doesn't seem prejudiced towards him, she treats him with friendliness and even some warmth, he feels very welcome here. Though Miss Elizabeth is not at all like herself towards him, she's not averse, but she does not seem to have her usual self-assured frankness, she strikes him as being rather subdued. It's not like she doesn't talk to him easily enough, Darcy asks her how she likes his house and grounds, and she tells him they are in much better taste than all the other big houses she has seen the last two weeks. And of course she loves the park, and admires its natural aspect. But she seems more quiet than usual, lost in thought, almost.

The only moment Darcy sees a glimpse of her true personality in her conversation with him, is when she tells him she likes his housekeeper very much. For a moment her wit shows itself, and her eyes sparkle as they used to. But only for a moment, and then she's back to downcast eyes and a subdued voice. What is going on? Is she shy, embarrassed? Dare he hope she is starting to contemplate life at Pemberley with him? Or is she still wishing him elsewhere? How will he bear this suspense?

And to make things worse he can see Georgiana observe his interaction with Miss Elizabeth as well. She has not only grown in body, her mind is developing rapidly, it is almost as if she is on to him. Better think of something else to contemplate than Miss Elizabeth's puzzling behaviour, or everyone will know his feelings for her, and he himself will be none the wiser.

Even better, give his sister something to do besides observing everyone unobtrusively, and he beckons her to come to him for a moment. Of course she does, and he asks her politely to help him invite Miss Elizabeth and the Gardiners for dinner before they leave. For it is already time to go, he would gladly stay with Miss Elizabeth all day, even if her behaviour has him in knots, but that would not be seemly.

He can't help noticing that she's her usual self to Bingley, and to her uncle and aunt. Time to go, before his frustration starts to show. Georgiana does her best issuing the invitation, and it is accepted and set for the day after tomorrow.

Glad to be certain to see Miss Elizabeth at least one more time, Darcy takes his leave of her, and her uncle and aunt, with mixed feelings. His sister and Miss Elizabeth seem to understand one another, but he feels more confused than ever. Well, there is just the drive home, and then he'll take his horse and go out for an hour or so to be alone with his feelings once more.

As they walk down the stairs and leave the inn, then enter the curricle, Georgiana can clearly see her brother's disturbed feelings. She feels so sorry for him, having met Miss Elizabeth herself Georgiana understands what attracts him to her, she is not like other ladies at all. She's not as beautiful as her brother described her, he must really be very much in love with her to see her like that, but she is certainly pretty and intelligent and sweet. The way she helped Georgiana through a rather difficult first meeting was very considerate of her, and if Miss Elizabeth were to become her sister, Georgiana would be exceedingly happy.

But before she tries to decide whether that has any chance of happening, there is something she needs to do.

She puts an arm around her brother, kisses him on his cheek, and says: 'Now tell me, Fitzwilliam, what happened between the two of you? I'm not a child anymore, I've seen you suffer for months, you still love her, let me in on your secret, I want to support you and comfort you.'

And then she has him in her arms, her brother is in her arms! Totally quiet, he doesn't weep, he doesn't even swallow hard, he just holds on to her tightly for what seems to be a long time. She strokes his hair and his face, no longer feeling like his daughter, but now truly like sister and brother. When they turn off the road and into the shaded lane of the estate, Georgiana can feel Fitzwilliam relax in her arms, after which he sits up, kisses her on both cheeks and says: 'Thank you, Georgie. I needed that. You've truly grown, I saw you observe me, and Miss Elizabeth, but I'm sure nobody else noticed, you're very subtle.

Will you take a walk in the park with me, as soon as we arrive? I'll tell you everything that happened to make me find the very depth of despair the last three months. And then I want you to tell me whether you think I have any chance at all of finding happiness. And don't spare me, I'm older than you, you have no right to patronize me.' He has changed, Fitzwilliam never had any humour to speak of, and now he is making jokes in the least likely situation.

And so it happens that they leave the carriage to the stable-boy, Georgiana noticing Peter greets his master with a relish, so Fitzwilliam has been talking to him as well. The entrance to the park is close by, but for a short moment Georgiana fears being intercepted by Miss Bingley before they are out of view, that would totally ruin her chance at gaining her brother's confidence.

But they reach the park without mishap, and since the only one of their friends ever to step out of doors by himself is Bingley, and he always takes his horse, they need not fear to be disturbed. Fitzwilliam offers her his arm, and she takes it, walking side by side through the lovely summer woods.

Then he says: 'It all started almost a year ago, when Bingley fell in love with Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth's eldest sister. I'm ashamed that I never told you any of that, I thought you were still just a child, I was a different person then, I'll take you more seriously from now on, I promise.

Through Miss Bennet I came into closer contact with Miss Elizabeth. Georgie, I hated it there, the neighbourhood of Netherfield, the people were all strangers, and they were loud and unsophisticated.

By the time I realised Miss Elizabeth was different, was in fact different from anyone else I knew, I had offended nearly everyone there by totally ignoring them, including her, and whilst I was rapidly falling for her, she must have already hated me. But I didn't see that at all, I only heard her sharp wit, and her surprising observations. Her mind fascinated me, she had no education at all, and still she knew so much, thought so differently from any other woman I knew, or any man for that matter.

We suspected the sister was mercenary, so we took Bingley away from there. But I couldn't stop thinking about Miss Elizabeth, she was the most interesting woman I had ever met, and she was only about twenty! She had so much time to develop even more, it would be such a privilege to be part of that. I didn't see her for months, but I thought of her all the more.

Then I unexpectedly ran into Miss Elizabeth again at Lady Catherine's, with Fitzwilliam, you know how easy-mannered he is, they enjoyed themselves hugely, he encouraged her liveliness, and I fell even faster under her spell. I tried to make contact with her, and thought myself successful, she talked to me in a very perky way, witty and very sharp.

Frankly, Georgie, at that time it just didn't occur to me that she might not like me, I was handsome, rich, connected, and I read encouragement in everything she said to me. I hated the thought of burdening my family with hers, you should see her mother, she's a total featherhead, and her father is so sarcastic he frightens even me. Her younger sisters, well I tried to forget about them to be honest, and even managed to sometimes.

But I just couldn't stand it anymore, my love was ruling me, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything useful anymore, I had to have her. So I forgot about the family and went out one evening, to Hunsford Parsonage where she was staying with her foolish cousin, another hopeless family-member. And I proposed to her, telling her about my burning love, but also about my qualms, still expecting her to accept eagerly.

She didn't. She became very angry, and told me in no uncertain terms that she had hated me from the first of our acquaintance for being incredibly unfeeling and arrogant. And for ruining her sister's life. And for...yes, Georgie, I am going to tell you, though it will hurt you to hear. But you're clearly an adult now, so you will cope. Wickham was stationed where she lives, and apparently Miss Elizabeth had quite a fancy for him, and he told her a bunch of lies about me.'

At the mention of Wickham, Georgiana cannot help freezing, but her brother is right, she is an adult now, and this is not about her, but about him. 'Continue your tale, Fitzwilliam, I need to know.'

He nods, squeezes her arm a little, and says: 'She even blamed me for ruining his life. She threw that all in my face, and I was crushed. I left, broken, it took me hours to find a semblance of myself again. Cousin Fitzwilliam was really nice to me, I confided in him and he advised me to write to her and tell her the truth, which I did. I handed her the letter, expecting to never see her again.

I stayed here by myself for a month because I couldn't face anyone, starting to understand that Miss Elizabeth was right, that I had always been arrogant towards people I didn't know or thought beneath me. And I realised Miss Elizabeth had clearly shown me she disliked me all through our acquaintance, I just refused to see it.

After a month or so I found I couldn't forget her, I still loved her, though I had no hopes of ever winning her affection. I thought I hid my grief quite well, but apparently I didn't since you knew. When I was just getting used to the idea of staying single, not able to even consider marrying someone else for an heir and a family of my own, let alone for love, I ran into her at Pemberley, she was viewing the house with a fashionable couple. They turned out to be family as well, and you know now how nice they are. I wanted to show her I had changed, and I think it worked.

But I also fell back in love with her within half an hour, I still want her so much, I cannot think of living with anyone else. Tell me honestly, do I have a chance? Or will I get hurt again, even worse for having realised there is no-one else for me?'

That is more than a little upsetting, her steady, positive brother totally distraught with love. 'Please calm down a little, Fitzwilliam, it's not that bad. She is not the only woman in England, you know. There's always Miss Bingley.'

He laughs and kisses her again, saying: 'Thank you Georgie, I needed that. I guess I let myself get carried away. What do you advice, then?'

Georgiana thinks for a few moments, then says: 'She knows by now you didn't do anything to Wickham. You did hurt her sister, but that's done, you can't turn back the clock. And you were arrogant, you say, but you've tried your best to change, I've seen it, you really have. And, Fitzwilliam, you still are handsome, rich, and very smart. She has seen your house so she knows you have excellent taste in decorating.'

'And in trees.' Seeing her inquiring look, he explains: 'She loves nature, and she took the circuit yesterday.

Oh, and Mrs Reynolds said Miss Elizabeth stood before my portrait for quite a long time, as if in contemplation. And that she herself told Miss Elizabeth that I was the best landlord and master, and brother, anyone could have. '

'That is so sweet of her,' Georgiana replies, 'and true, for you are the best brother ever. Since when do you discuss matters of the heart with Mrs Reynolds?'

'She has always been like a mother to me,' her brother states seriously, but a twinkle in his eye reveals he is just joking, 'all right, that's not true, but she happened upon me just after I saw Miss Elizabeth again for the first time, and I was in shock. She actually gave me some good advice.'

'So all in all Miss Elizabeth knows you're not the spoiled, arrogant snob she took you for, and that your staff and your sister love you. That is good.'

But doubt returns: 'Yes, but I did ruin her sister's prospects, and she can't know I'm planning to right that coming fall. I'll propose visiting Netherfield to Bingley, and they'll meet again, and if they're still in love everything will be back as it should be.'

'I observed your Miss Elizabeth, talking to you, but also talking to Mr Bingley and her uncle and aunt, and she was different when talking to you. She seemed shy and a bit embarrassed. She may be falling for you already, Fitzwilliam, why not? You are all those good things we mentioned, and she must realise men with sense are as rare as women who have it.'

'You're sweet, Georgie, but how will I know?

'Be patient, my brother, you'll see her here for dinner, and now we're all acquainted you can ask her to come here whenever you want. You must not rush this, just woo her gently, slowly. Take your time, she needs time to change her mind about you, if you rush things you will take her by surprise once more. Start at the beginning, let her know you like her.'

He objects: 'But people will notice.'

'Then why not let them? Or else it's a risk you'll have to take. She needs to know you love her, or she cannot fall in love with you. You're way above her.'

'She knows that, because I told her at length. When I was proposing to her. Fitzwilliam was stunned with disbelief when I told him, he shook his head at me. But she doesn't feel inferior, she knows rank is just an accident of birth. Those are his words, by the way.

But I will try to find a way to let her know I still love her, and let her decide at her leisure whether she can return that love. And until she decides, may I seek you out once in a while to talk of her? It helps, I feel much better for it. And thank you so much for the advice.'

By now they have reached the turning point, and Georgiana is very aware that this is the first time they have really talked, quite a momentous occasion. And Fitzwilliam is not done with the confidences, for he asks: 'And you, what kind of man would you want to get married to?'

That question surprises her, for she is not thinking of marriage at all, after her humiliation by Wickham she would rather not have to do anything with men at all. To deliver herself totally to someone she doesn't really know at all, it's just frightening.

'I'm sorry Georgie, you've been so helpful and now I've said something you don't like to hear. Do men scare you?'

'It's not the idea of a man that scares me, Fitzwilliam, it's the fact that I'd be totally dependent on him that scares me. What if he turns out to be someone different than we thought? He'd virtually own me, and my fortune, by then.'

'Well, you're just sixteen, there is no need to think of marriage, yet.'

If that is supposed to comfort her, he'd better try again. 'You're in love with a woman who is what, twenty years old? I'll be twenty in less than four years. I do need to think of it. Will you be very angry if I decide not to marry at all? Or to someone who is not a noble?'

He strokes her hair and says: 'A year ago, I would have been shocked to hear you say that. But now, Georgie, I'd rather have you marry a Russian pianist than an arrogant English landowner, who hasn't done a day's honest work in his life.

What do you want out of life then, don't you want a family, children?'

'I don't know, yet, about the children. What I do know, is that I want to become the best pianist I can, so maybe your guess wasn't so bad. But does he have to be Russian? I'd prefer Italian myself.'

With a laugh, her brother replies: 'Let's get you some lessons from a true master then, this winter when we are in London. And we will see about the men when one turns up. I'll chase him away if you don't like him after all.

Don't you like Bingley? I thought you might be attracted to him, he's very sweet-natured.'

Dismissively, Georgiana replies: 'A bit too sweet, I'm your sister remember, I'd waltz over him within a week. No, a man has to have some backbone.'

'But I thought you were shy, and would prefer to have a docile man?' Her brother is truly surprised, that is rather funny.

'I am only shy to strangers, Fitzwilliam, and I know your friend rather well. He is cute, but let the eldest Miss Bennet have him. Although, if she is like Miss Elizabeth she might eat him before breakfast. Are you really planning to set him back up with her, is that good for him?'

'So you like him enough to worry about him, I'm glad to hear that. But yes, the eldest Miss Bennet is very different from her sister, she is very quiet and sweet, and very even-tempered. If she indeed loves him, it'll be a match made in heaven.'

'Good, he deserves to be happy,' Georgiana says, 'Miss Bennet sounds perfect for him, and then at least one of us will be perfectly happy in marriage.'

And they walk back in silence, each with his own contemplations, still arm in arm, feeling very close.

Just before they reach the house, Georgiana says: 'I really like her, your Miss Elizabeth, I hope she will learn to love you.'

'Thank you, Georgie,' her brother replies, 'that means a lot to me.'

And they step into the house, her brother is claimed immediately by Miss Bingley, who wants to know where they have been, and why she wasn't invited to join their visit to Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Fitzwilliam really should tell her she doesn't stand a chance, why bear with the woman at all? Georgiana has never understood, but she will endure Caroline Bingley's fake affection towards herself for her brother's sake, as she has done since the start of their acquaintance.

Meanwhile, Darcy's thoughts echo his sister's, he wonders why he has put up with Miss Bingley for so long, she's his friend's sister and she has nowhere to go but where her brother does, but her attentions are old and worn, and the fact that he's not going to fall for her threadbare charms should have occurred to her by now.

Or did he enjoy her attentions before he fell in love for real? Did he feel safe and wanted with her around? Fact is, that until he met Miss Elizabeth, he thought ladies were all like Caroline Bingley, beautiful, educated, but lacking in true strength of mind and to be honest, rather mean. Which is probably why he is still single at twenty-eight.

He doesn't even bother to give her an excuse or a real reason, he just says airily: 'She is engaged to dine here the day after tomorrow, with her companions, a fashionable couple from London. You'll have every chance to inquire after her eldest sister then.' And since that is not what Miss Bingley wants, to have Miss Elizabeth Bennet anywhere near herself or especially near Darcy, his information silences her quite readily.

After a quiet summer's day with a nice ride with Bingley, a concert by Georgiana, who wakes up refreshed from a nap after her fatiguing days of travel to find her new sitting-room and her new instrument, and dinner with his entire group of friends, Darcy finds himself relieved to be alone in his bedroom.

Being too busy to grind over his emotions is good, but he has some serious thinking to do, and this is the perfect time for it. Georgiana took him totally by surprise demanding the truth from him, but despite her tender age he is inclined to believe her assurances that time and a lot of civility may yet make him the happiest of men.

To think he let his little sister comfort him, how times change. She was so mature and so good to him, and spirited, finding Bingley too soft. What a surprise, to suddenly find his sister a woman, and a woman he likes and admires, with actual strength of character. That thought alone leaves him unable to feel anything but optimism, and he goes to sleep with sincere hope that his fantasy may yet become sweet reality.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next morning, on the banks of the stream, he introduces Mr Gardiner to all his friends, and as a true gentleman his guest fits right in. They spend a very pleasant morning fishing for trout, and during an interesting conversation on overseas trade, Mr Gardiner suddenly mentions: 'Did I tell you my wife and my niece were planning to return your sister's extreme courtesy yesterday, by paying her a visit this morning? I thought you might want to know. They should be arriving about now, I guess.'

Well, that is a hint and no mistake! Mr Gardiner, and no doubt Mrs Gardiner, for this communication betrays the mind of a lady, apparently approve of his acquaintance with their niece, and on impulse he tests this theory by airily stating: 'Georgiana will be delighted with their attention. I'm glad they know we're engaged by the river, so they won't miss our presence.'

But Mr Gardiner is not taking the bait, he is a real fisherman even though he lives in the middle of town. And a sharp-minded businessman as well: 'I suppose they don't expect you to be there, they will be well-entertained by Miss Darcy, they both liked her a great deal.' And he continues their conversation where he left off.

But Darcy's tranquillity is shattered, she's here, in his very house, and Mr Gardiner told him she is, intentionally. That doesn't mean Elizabeth is more inclined to like him, but it does mean Darcy has a strong advocate in her closest circle.

Finally, he cannot control himself anymore, and he tries to sound as cool as possible as he says: 'I think I should pay my respects to the ladies, Georgiana may feel overwhelmed, she just sixteen after all. With your permission, I will be back in half an hour.'

Without the slightest triumph in his voice, he is a successful businessman after all, Mr Gardiner observes: 'I totally agree with you, Mr Darcy, your presence at the house may be required. And I will certainly not take it amiss if you spend half an hour on my niece, she's not just her father's favourite you know. My own children are still very young, you see.'

And without further comment, Darcy bows to him and leaves the stream behind for some time.

On his way to the house, doubts start to creep up on him, apparently he hasn't been able to hide his admiration for Miss Elizabeth from anybody, and he knows he will blush when he sees her again. But is that a reason to avoid her? Georgiana said he needs to show her his love, and though that is still a bit much to ask, turning up and being friendly will eventually have the same effect. Hopefully.

Sitting in the saloon with Mrs Annesley and both Mr Bingley's sisters, with all the men off to the stream for some fishing, Georgiana feels cheated somehow. These are not her friends, and still she is supposed to entertain them, when she could be practising scales or reading a book. Now she cannot do anything more exciting than some dull needlework, and listen to the others talking.

Why do ladies have to talk so incessantly? It is and always has been a great riddle to Georgiana. Fitzwilliam and herself never talk all the time when they are together, they mostly read, or she plays and he listens, and sometimes they discuss a book, or a piece of music, and then they go on doing what suits them. When she is by herself with only Mrs Annesley as company, they do the same, Mrs Annesley is fond of needlework and she is very proficient at it, but she can sew in silence and leave Georgiana to her own pursuits, without distracting her with chatter or forcing her to speak.

But when they have company, and Mr Bingley's sisters unfortunately count as such, Mrs Annesley insists on Georgiana joining in the conversation, and only playing the piano at certain times that are supposed to be suitable for entertainment. But entertainers must practise, mustn't they, or they will never learn to play really well, and they will always grate on their audience's ears.

Somehow, it's just not fair, but what can a girl do about it? Fitzwilliam has given her the choice of having a lady companion or accompanying him everywhere, and that would mean meeting lots of strangers and even fewer quiet evenings. And no room of her own with a piano to practise on most days. Or playing reels all night. Or listen to other ladies perform, ladies who do not practise enough.

Already, Mrs Annesley objects to her musings, and is sending her significant looks to get her to join the conversation. But what could Georgina ever contribute to a discussion of pelisses and petticoats from Thomson's, or whatever tailor in London? Who cares? And what is she supposed to do when they start to criticise one of their acquaintances, is she supposed to join them in their mean pastimes? It that the right education for a gentle lady?

It is almost enough to make her look for a husband, preferably an older, scholarly type. At least she'd be left alone to practise or read. Or..if Fitzwilliam were to marry Miss Elizabeth, they'd spend more time here, or with her in London, and Georgiana is certain that Miss Elizabeth would either let her sister practise in peace, or join her in reading, or talk about something interesting for a change.

With that idea in mind, Georgina decides to direct the conversation a little, Bingley's sisters have met Miss Elizabeth before and might say something about her that could help Georgiana form a picture of her brother's great love. As she starts to speak, both ladies turn towards her immediately, they are always fawning at her in her face, and treating her like a silly child behind her back. But they have their uses, and can be led with virtually no effort at all.

'Did my brother tell you that Miss Elizabeth Bennet is coming to dine with us tomorrow?' she asks innocently.

Miss Bingley replies: 'He did, yes. We knew her in Hertfordshire, you know, her eldest sister admired Charles very much, but nothing came of it since Charles likes another lady of our acquaintance much better.' They imply he loves Georgiana, but anyone can see that is not true. Poor Mr Bingley has never had one romantic thought of her in his life, and that feeling is totally mutual. Besides, he has been slightly out of sorts for some time now, and since yesterday Georgiana knows that is because he did love Miss Elizabeth's sister, and Fitzwilliam and Miss Bingley practically forced them apart.

But Miss Bingley is not finished: 'Miss Bennet is the true beauty in the family, and a very sweet girl. Miss Elizabeth Bennet has a very sharp tongue, that she liked to whet on your brother. Though he actually seemed to enjoy that, strangely enough.' She certainly is jealous, she is on to Fitzwilliam, but most likely she has no clue how deeply in love her brother really is.

'She's very much a country girl, you know,' Mrs Hurst adds, 'very little fashion and very self-satisfied. Her family is a disgrace, her one uncle is a village attorney, and the other is a tradesman in Cheapside.'

That would be Mr Gardiner, one of the nicest men Georgina has ever met.

'Why would Fitzwilliam have me invite her to dinner then?' Georgiana asks innocently, pouring oil on the flames.

Now they are getting wary, they are not going to say anything nasty about Fitzwilliam, not to his sister.

'He is probably being polite,' Miss Bingley observes, 'or maybe her companions are people of some significance. Some people of high breeding find sharp wit entertaining. But Mr Darcy'd better watch out, a girl like that will be looking to better herself, before he knows it he could be hooked into a marriage.'

As entertaining as this is, Georgiana is not learning anything pertinent, making this conversation another waste of time. Though Mrs Annesley seems satisfied, apparently the content of the talking does not signify, not even if it borders on viciousness.

One last try. 'Do you think she loves him then?' she asks even more innocently than before.

At least they are taking that question seriously, for it takes them a while to answer.

'She seemed to like exchanging clever remarks with him, but love? Most like likely she just wants his money, and his name,' Miss Bingley states.

'I remember when they talked like that, I didn't have a clue what they were on about, but they seemed to understand one another perfectly,' is Mrs Hurst's observation, the most useful so far.

'But don't worry,' Miss Bingley says soothingly, 'your brother is too smart to be hooked by a lady of little fashion and low connections like Miss Eliza Bennet, he can see right through her kind.'

And at that little piece of wishful thinking, the butler comes in and announces: 'Mrs Gardiner and Miss Elizabeth Bennet to see you, Miss Darcy.'

That is a shock to all three of them. Mr Bingley's sisters no doubt feel caught at gossiping, and Georgiana realises this is a formal visit and she will be expected to receive and entertain their visitors. What if she accidentally betrays Fitzwilliam's secret to Miss Elizabeth? What if Bingley's sisters treat the object of Fitzwilliam's affections badly? She might go away and leave Georgiana's poor brother with a broken heart.

Such a responsibility all of a sudden, no chance to just sit back and see what happens, Georgiana doesn't exactly panic, but she's not at all comfortable, two strangers she needs to talk to, and one of them so very important to her brother.

She does her very best to receive the ladies as she is supposed to as lady of the house, but she wishes ardently Fitzwilliam were here. He'd know exactly what to do. Fortunately both Mrs Gardiner and Miss Elizabeth are as nice as yesterday, and help her along by doing most of the talking.

With horror Georgiana observes her brother's friends receiving the love of his life with cold civility, what will Miss Elizabeth think? The temperature in the room seems to drop a few degrees, and a silence descends on the whole group, leaving Georgiana tongue-tied and afraid Miss Elizabeth will depart instantly at being subjected to such impoliteness.

For the first time in months, Georgiana is glad to have Mrs Annesley, for she shows her excellent education by starting a conversation with Mrs Gardiner, and amazingly they have found a subject that is actually interesting. There is a kind of mysterious disease running rampant among the poor in the county, and both seem to be well-informed on the manifestations of the malady and its possible causes.

Georgiana has seen Mrs Annesley read the paper regularly, but still she is impressed with her knowledge, and likewise with Mrs Gardiner's. Significant looks from Mrs Annesley urge Georgiana to participate, but frankly she had no idea of what was going on, and she has no contribution to the conversation, though it is very interesting to hear more about the subject. She manages to think of a question to ask, and as the ladies discuss a possible answer, Miss Elizabeth ventures to give her opinion as well.

Her remark is very sensible, and together they think of a possible answer to Georgiana's question. Relieved from talking for a few minutes, Georgiana observes that Miss Elizabeth seems little at ease once more, and most unlikely to start being witty or sharp. She also observes Miss Bingley watching Miss Elizabeth closely, especially when speaking to Georgiana herself. This is a dominant lady guarding her territory against a highly talented potential competitor, and if the tension gets any higher, Georgiana's nerves may snap.

Miss Bingley is her brother's guest, how dare she treat Georgiana's guest like that? If only she dared say something, if only she were Miss Elizabeth, able to retort instantly, though that particular lady doesn't look very sharp either at this moment. Can it be that she is in doubt about Fitzwilliam? Can it be that she is starting to revise her opinion on him? She sure looks like she may be in love, but how can Georgiana be sure?

Miss Bingley inquires after Miss Elizabeth's family, but in a tone that does nothing to lighten the general mood, and Miss Elizabeth answers in a slightly warmer tone, but very briefly.

Just before Georgiana starts to wilt in the icy-cold atmosphere, the butler and the cook's helpers come in with cold meat, fruit and cake, and the activity warms the room up slightly, but not enough for Georgiana to be able to eat much. Still, there is much to see for Georgiana, Miss Elizabeth is clearly impressed by the quality of the fruit, and the beautiful presentation, and she eats very elegantly.

Georgiana would love to talk with the woman, girl actually, whom she is starting to hope will be her sister some day, but she cannot think of a single thing to say, and Miss Bingley's eyes fixing her constantly make her very nervous.

At that very moment, Fitzwilliam enters the room, and there is too much to observe to be talking. Miss Elizabeth looks out of sorts, but with embarrassment rather than dislike of Fitzwilliam. Georgiana must be very much mistaken if she is not starting to have some warm feelings towards her brother. If only Miss Bingley behaves herself, but she is now approaching boiling point, for Fitzwilliam does look more than a little lovesick. To Georgiana at least, but that may be because she knows him best, and she knows he actually is desperately in love.

Miss Bingley now tries to engage Georgiana in conversation, but as ever, she has nothing interesting to say. She looks like one of those dolls, with a smile on one side and an angry face on the other. The smile is for herself and her brother, the angry face for Miss Elizabeth. Miss Bingley doesn't pay the slightest attention to either Mrs Annesley nor Mrs Gardiner. She should have a lady to correct her behaviour, for it is not seemly. To spite her, Georgiana goes out of her way to find something to say to Miss Elizabeth, and they manage quite well, Miss Elizabeth remembers seeing some of Georgiana's crayons, and compliments Georgiana on her subjects and sense of colour. Such a nice thing to say, and of course Georgiana thanks her, and explains how she generally chooses a subject for her drawings.

From the corner of her eye she can see Fitzwilliam looking at her encouragingly, he really wants them to like each other, no problem, just take away the angry face and they can chat all night long, Georgiana is sure of that. Miss Elizabeth seems a little more at ease now, and Georgiana asks her whether she draws, too. She replies: 'I'm sorry to say I haven't the slightest talent for drawing, I'm quite fond of needlework, but that is the closest I get to creating anything.'

That is what Fitzwilliam means, this is the real Miss Elizabeth, finally there is some flow to what she says, she is getting close to being herself despite the blood-curdling angry looks directed at her. Apparently they don't bother Miss Elizabeth much, it's Fitzwilliam's presence that makes her shy and quiet.

For a moment there is a comfortable silence between Miss Elizabeth and herself, as they wait where their conversation will take them next, and Miss Bingley uses that very moment to make the angry face real, shooting a nasty question at Miss Elizabeth, about some regiment near her home. She is implying Miss Elizabeth is trashy, chasing officers, that's it, Miss Elizabeth will never darken their door again, Fitzwilliam will be distraught for years.

But both he and Miss Elizabeth look at herself, positively shocked, goodness, it must be the regiment where Wickham serves. And Miss Elizabeth used to be partial to him, but that would not make her look at Georgiana like that. She knows! Fitzwilliam told her, what did he have to do that for? Now Miss Elizabeth will think Georgiana is trashy, she can feel the colour rise in her cheeks at the very thought. Or no, she will not, for she liked him, too. Still, how could he?

'We'll get over it in time,' Miss Elizabeth answers Miss Bingley's vicious remark tranquilly. Fitzwilliam still looks at Georgiana, she'll give him an earful over telling on her later, it was a foolish thing she did, but can't they just forget about it? He proposed to a woman and insulted her in the process, that's even more stupid, and he was twenty seven at the time, she was just fifteen.

Her brother must think she's still suffering over what happened then, and maybe she should be, but somehow she doesn't care that much anymore, except that she'll never really trust a man again. Still, he won't expect her to talk much after such a shock, so she uses the rest of the time to observe again. He seems very relieved the subject is closed, and very soft towards Miss Elizabeth, good, that'll show her he has strong feelings after all.

And Miss Elizabeth seems very much aware of being in Fitzwilliam's confidence, that always creates a certain bond, and if she can resist the way he looks at her now, his love is hopeless anyway. Maybe his breach of trust towards Georgiana has had some higher purpose at least, then.

Miss Elizabeth doesn't seem at all put out by Miss Bingley's nastiness, suppose she always treated Miss Elizabeth that way? Did Fitzwilliam accept that of her, may even join in with her? Georgiana knows he used to find pleasure in deriding people sometimes, before, well, before Miss Elizabeth rejected him. If so, it was no wonder she hated him, such coldness cannot be borne.

Their guests are leaving, and Miss Elizabeth is very nice to Georgiana once again. She can't help Fitzwilliam being indiscreet, and Georgiana is certain she will never breathe a word of Georgiana's humiliation to any soul. Mrs Gardiner is also very polite, though she must be shocked at the company they keep. Such rudeness, how can Fitzwilliam allow it in his house?

Her brother accompanies her guests to their carriage, and Miss Bingley immediately starts criticising Miss Elizabeth, and of course on her appearance. She is such a bore, and has the worst manners ever, Georgina has never been so ashamed in her whole life, to have such a house-guest. She wishes she had Miss Elizabeth's way with words, oh to be able to put someone in their place with a few sentences. Maybe it is something a person can learn with practise, like playing the piano or drawing. But that also requires some talent, and Georgiana fears she sadly lacks this particular one.

By now Fitzwilliam is back, and Miss Bingley repeats her gross rudeness to him. He replies airily, but she keeps needling him further and further, indeed suggesting there was a time that he liked to talk viciously about Miss Elizabeth by repeating some of the things he allegedly said about her, giving Miss Elizabeth plenty of reason to hate him at that time, no doubt.

But no more, he's very well smitten, and finally, after Georgiana has had more than an hour of suffering under Miss Bingley's atrocious lack of manners, Fitzwilliam redeems her and himself by giving Miss Bingley her due. It almost makes up for his indiscretion, with one sentence he as good as declares his love for Miss Elizabeth to Miss Bingley, then leaves the room, undoubtedly back to his fishing party.

Miss Bingley is crushed, and Georgiana watches her unobtrusively, with an unholy glee that makes her ashamed of herself. But the woman just caused her a world of trouble, and a very uncomfortable hour with guests she actually likes. After her brother has left, Georgiana pleads tiredness to Mrs Annesley, and is relieved of her duties as hostess for now. She almost skips up the stairs, to her own lovely sitting-room, where she proceeds to put her new piano through its fabulous paces.

An hour passes without Georgiana ever noticing the time, and she is still playing with enthusiasm when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She stops playing and turns around to find Fitzwilliam standing there, looking worried.

'How long have you been standing there, Fitzwilliam?' she asks him, strangely happy to see him.

'About ten minutes, I thought you'd feel my presence eventually, but you were really far away from here, weren't you?' He seems impressed rather than worried now. 'That happens when I'm practising, I lose track of time. This is a marvellous instrument, Fitzwilliam, how did you know to choose this one?'

'I'll tell you some other time,' he replies, worry back in his handsome features, 'first I want to know how you are doing after what happened this afternoon. Mrs Annesley told me you pleaded to go to your room complaining of tiredness.'

'I was tired of Caroline Bingley, Fitzwilliam, how can you bear to have her in your house, she is a menace, and Mrs Annesley always forces me to stay with her and talk to her when you have their brother over.

Do you know she has the worst manners? I really wanted to be away from her so I told Mrs Annesley a little white lie to be able to put some practise in. Mrs Annesley says I can only play the piano at suitable times when we have company. But Caroline Bingley is not company, she practically lives here whenever you are here, and if I don't practise I'll never be any good as a pianist.'

Now Georgiana is getting upset, and this time it is her brother's turn to take her in his arms and comfort her. 'Calm down, love, calm down, and tell me what happened to upset you so. I thought it was Miss Bingley mentioning Wickham that upset you.'

Being held by Fitzwilliam is very nice, and Georgiana does calm down immediately. She says: 'I didn't even know he was with that particular regiment. It was your looking at me with such shock that gave it away, and Miss Elizabeth looking at me in the same way that upset me. Why did you tell her? Now she thinks I'm cheap.

And Miss Bingley was very cold and rude to Miss Elizabeth, she ruined the whole afternoon, I couldn't talk because of it, I was so afraid Miss Elizabeth would feel insulted and leave, and you'd be lost.'

'You like her then?' her brother asks, with a soft smile.

'I do, she's really nice, except she was not as you described her, and as both Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst described her. They said she was impertinent, but she seemed a bit lost for words today. I think she's uncertain about you, Fitzwilliam, I think she's falling for you. But Miss Bingley knew somehow, and practically froze her out.'

'You asked them about her?'

'I drew them out, they like gossiping, I thought maybe they'd know how she felt about you, but they didn't say anything useful, except that when the two of you really talked, they didn't understand a thing you were saying.

Of course I didn't ask outright, I merely set them off.'

Fitzwilliam now sits down on her piano stool, and takes her on his lap. Then he says gently: 'I cannot help Miss Bingley being here, Georgie, I like her brother, and she comes with him, I cannot get rid of him because he has a sister depending on him.

But I will not leave you alone with her anymore, from now on she is no longer company, and you can flee her whenever you like, except during meals. And if anyone visits, you can send someone after me and I will be the host and as such check her behaviour.

And you may practise your playing every day, guests or no guests, I will talk to Mrs Annesley about that. Had you come to me earlier, I would have settled that with her immediately.'

Then his voice lowers even more, and he crushes her against him. 'I did tell Miss Elizabeth about what Wickham did to you, Georgie, I had to at that moment, and I'm very sure she will never tell anyone, or find you cheap. Remember, she had a crush on him, too, and she didn't have any memories of a childhood with him being nice to her all the time. No-one blames you, and I'm glad you're not suffering for it. You can forget about Miss Elizabeth knowing, she does have manners, she proved that again today.'

He shows his feeling now, and Georgiana's heart aches for him, how can anyone stand being in love when it gives such pain?

'And last of all, Miss Elizabeth will not wonder at being frozen out or being insulted or baited by Miss Bingley, for she has ever done that. Always said nasty things about her too. And since nothing escapes your notice, there was indeed a time when I said some less than flattering things about Miss Elizabeth myself. I am very much ashamed of that, and believe me, I've suffered for it, for one of those remarks started her intense dislike of me. I slighted her at a dance, calling her beauty barely tolerable, and since she is very young and still cares for dancing, she never forgave me. I once told her that my good opinion once lost is lost forever, and I beg providence every night that she please be more forgiving than that.'

'I'm sure she is, Fitzwilliam,' Georgiana says soothingly, 'I think she kind of likes you now, really. She may not yet be ready to love you, but she is ready to like you. She wants your approval.

And now I will admit that I gloated inwardly when you bluntly told Miss Bingley this afternoon that you admire Miss Elizabeth. She was totally crushed. She had it coming, she was needling and baiting and freezing poor Miss Elizabeth all afternoon. I really thought your chance had gone with such a horrid creature under your roof. Remember, Miss Elizabeth was my guest, and your guest spoiled her visit.'

'You are right, Georgiana,' her brother admits, 'you have an impeccable sense of right, to feel this as you should. I remember Miss Bingley's behaviour to Miss Elizabeth from our time together at Netherfield, and I didn't make much of it because Miss Elizabeth seemed well able to ignore it. But that was in Bingley's house, and this is my house.

Miss Elizabeth was your guest, and my guest did treat her really badly, her bad manners reflecting on you. I will call on Miss Elizabeth tomorrow, and apologize for Miss Bingley's behaviour, will that satisfy your sense of honour? I will also assure her that it will not happen again during our dinner here, or she may feel uncomfortable coming over. I would really dislike that.

I'm very proud of you, Georgiana, you're really almost grown up. One more hug, and then dinner? Miss Bingley will be rather quiet, since it seems I crushed her.'

'You did, and I'm proud of you for standing up for the woman you love. If she had heard it, she would have been proud of you, too, I'm sure. I wish I could help you win her over, I really like her. If you two get married, can we let Mrs Annesley go? You won't stay with friends as much, will you? And we can all read in the evenings, or play duets.'

Her brother does not answer that question, he merely crushes her against him once more, and holds her for a few minutes. Then he releases her and says: 'Let's dress for dinner, and try not to gloat, or we'll have it coming next.'

Dinner is interesting to say the least. Despite her having treated Miss Elizabeth badly to her face, and insulted her behind her back, Darcy feels bad about having caused Miss Bingley such pain. She is present, but practically radiates her distress. Until he reminds himself he has never given her any encouragement, the way she holds on to her preference for him is not only demeaning to her and embarrassing to him, it also reeks of manipulation.

Is she magnifying her hurt to make him feel guilty, to snare him into being nice to her?

Has she still not gotten the message? He is in love with someone else, and he is not going to accept the woman of his dreams being insulted or frozen out in his own house, not anymore. If he has been needled into revealing his affection for Miss Elizabeth, let it at least have the advantage of putting an end to Miss Bingley's attempts to win him.

Hiding his displeasure from his friends, he pretends to be all amiability, and sits himself with Georgiana. She asks him about a certain disease that has struck a lot of very poor people in the county, however did she know about that?, and she wants to know what he is doing about it.

As he describes the program he and some other landowners have started up to treat the sick and find the cause of the disease, they talk with so much interest that they lose all eye for the rest of the party. Bingley soon joins them, and has some surprising insights, which seems to impress Georgiana, and they spend that whole meal talking on that particular subject.

In the evening, Georgiana treats them to some superb music, he has never appreciated before how good she really is, just saw her playing as another accomplishment to add to her value as a marriage candidate, like fortune, and connections, and beauty. But this is beyond accomplishment, she should be a performer. It is totally unheard of, a Darcy performing to strangers, but he is willing to spend some thought on it, if she is, being so very shy by her very nature.

Of course he spends his first hour in bed contemplating Georgiana's observations on Miss Elizabeth. Dare he believe his sister, that Miss Elizabeth's uncharacteristic behaviour signifies a heart slowly turning towards him? Maybe, but he will not act on his hopes, he will not even consider proposing to her again until she has shown at least one clear sign of loving him. And he will even add the restriction that someone else has to validate that sign of love, he doesn't trust himself to do that anymore.

He realises that will take a long time yet, but this time he is not going to rush into things, and bear the consequences for the rest of his days. It's just too important.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next day, as Darcy rides over to the inn where Miss Elizabeth is staying, he strongly feels the parallel to those times he visited her at the parsonage, or walked with her in the park in Hunsford. But this time he has an errand for his sister, there will be no awkward silences or lack of conversation to make Miss Elizabeth nervous. He will apologise for Miss Bingley's behaviour in his house in name of Georgiana and himself, then assure her it will not happen at dinner tonight, and then he will take leave and go home. That will be all, and she will be perfectly at ease.

But things do not turn out that way, Darcy is in for a very uncomfortable visit, painful actually, for when Mr Gardiner's boy lets him into their apartment, he is almost ran over by Miss Elizabeth herself, who cries out for her uncle in obvious distress. Why can nothing between him and Miss Elizabeth ever go as it should?

His own distress at seeing her like that showing in his concerned speech, he urges her to let the boy go after her uncle, she is not well at all, something dreadful must have happened at home, for he can see a thick letter on the table behind her. Never in his life has Darcy been tempted so much to take a woman in his arms without having any right to do so. Miss Elizabeth is trembling and her legs nearly give out on her, she is in a pitiable state, and there is nothing he can do to comfort her.

The boy gone, she finally sits down and he offers her to help her in any way he can, but she denies being ill herself, confirming bad news from Longbourn. Struggling for control, she tells him her youngest sister has eloped with Wickham, and then it is Darcy's turn to feel his knees buckle beneath him. Please let that not be true!

But it turns out to be the sad truth, and Miss Elizabeth reproaches herself for not telling her family about Wickham's true nature. Darcy knows better, she couldn't have told her featherheaded youngest sister, Darcy had asked her specifically to keep his explanation to herself. This is all his fault. To protect Georgiana and to avoid having to speak his very name, Darcy refused to make Wickham's true nature public, accepting rather to have Wickham's lies about him believed than have to explain to everyone what really happened. Finding it beneath him, actually, to have his private affairs discussed publicly.

And now Miss Elizabeth is suffering for it, will lose whatever standing her family had, they will be the ridicule of the neighbourhood, and Bingley can forget about marrying Miss Bennet. Even if Miss Elizabeth can never love him, Darcy cannot let that happen.

As she finally breaks down and covers her face in shame and grief, Darcy makes a resolution to hunt Wickham down and force him to marry the girl, at any cost to himself. He is not going to let Miss Elizabeth's life be ruined over this, he loves her and his heart aches to see her in such despondence, such a strong woman reduced to tears.

As he excuses himself for his prolonged stay, and offers his sympathy, she looks up at him for a moment, and the look in her eyes just breaks his heart. Just as Georgiana had given him hopes of her, something comes up that rips them apart, maybe forever. But he will save her family's honour, even if that means having to speak to Wickham again, and risk paying an unimaginable price to someone else to find out where in London he is hiding.

One last thing to do, and that is to cancel their dinner, the evening he was looking forward to with such eagerness, but there is no help for it, he has a huge task ahead of him, finding a single man in a city of millions. Miss Elizabeth is not in the mood for dinner with anyone, anyway.

And in the knowledge that they may never meet again, their growing closeness nipped in the bud, one more thing for George Wickham to answer for, he looks at her once more, fixing her beautiful features in his mind forever, then leaves.

He rides home, changes into travelling clothes, has his fastest horse saddled and joins Georgiana in her own apartment. At the look on his face, she exclaims and asks: 'Something happened at Miss Elizabeth's place, you didn't propose already, did you? I told you she needed more time!'

He sits down and replies: 'No I didn't, I was going to apologize and assure her she would be treated better tonight, but I never got to that.' Then he tells his sister everything that happened, and Georgiana is absolutely stunned, and very supportive of him.

'Of course you must find him and make him marry that girl, but don't be so hard on yourself, it's Wickham's fault, not yours. You cannot be blamed, you kept quiet for me, and if you get him to marry, he will never take advantage of any woman again.'

She is so sweet, and so mature already, he feels a little better and is glad he decided to be honest to her.

'I'll take care of your visitors, I'll tell them some story about you having been called to London for business. Don't worry, I'll manage. You just go.'

'I may never see her again, Georgiana,' he blurts out, truly frightened that on top of what he is about to suffer for finding Wickham and for having to deal with him once more, he will never see Miss Elizabeth again.

'Nonsense, Fitzwilliam, once you've got the girl safely married, you can take Bingley to Netherfield for the shooting season, and you'll be sure to see her. You'll have Wickham as your brother in law, though, that's just awful.'

'Dear Georgie, I really don't care anymore. I don't care what my family thinks, as long as you are behind me, and I don't care what my friends think, I just want her by my side, safe and happy. I had to clutch myself to the furniture to not go to her and take her in my arms, have you any idea how it feels to see someone you love in terrible pain and not be allowed to comfort her as you so dearly want to?'

Of course she replies: 'I do, Fitzwilliam, I saw you suffer so much and I didn't dare talk about it for months. I'm so glad we finally did. It will all work out in the end, you'll see, I have high hopes for the two of you.' And she really does comfort him, holds him, whispers encouragement to him.

When he feels much better, she adds: 'Now go get Wickham, brother, just a little obstacle on the road to happiness. You will find him, I have total trust in you.'

And with the support of her trust in him, he rides off to London, already knowing where to start his search, and not looking forward to it.

Frankly, Darcy has not the slightest doubt of finding Wickham, but he does need some preparation to get what he wants at his first address, so he rides to his town house and sleeps a few hours until he is totally refreshed and fully aware. He bathes, has himself dressed at his most formal, including an expensive cologne, then carefully suppresses every thought of Miss Elizabeth and anything else that weakens him. He is now a figure of authority and fortune, and ready to hunt something smarter than game, or Wickham for that matter.

Leaving his horse in favour of a cab, he crosses the better neighbourhoods of London until he gets to one of decidedly lower stature, not dangerous or truly bad, just a touch below middle-class. Finding a specific house, large and reasonably kept, he knocks on the door, gives his name to the servant, and is let in immediately.

The hall is rather neat and decorated quite lavishly, it is clearly a place owned by a lady. He doesn't have to command the servant to lead him to his mistress, she has left standing orders in case of him turning up, and that fact heartens Darcy immeasurably. Soon he finds himself in a beautiful sitting-room with rather valuable furniture, Mrs Younge is doing well these days. Sitting on an opulent, fur covered sofa, she is looking well, too, and Darcy steels himself for what is coming next.

Dressed as luxuriously as her house is decorated, Mrs Younge is no longer young herself, but not yet old either. She is still very attractive in a rather voluptuous way, and ever since she was Georgiana's governess, she has had quite a fancy for Darcy. Not to marry him, she has always known that would never happen, but to tempt him and tease him towards intimacy.

In short, she has always wanted him, and even after having been dismissed for helping Wickham to recommend himself to Georgiana's affection, she still does. She wants to lead Darcy into sin, get him to lose his self-control, make him break his own principles of not touching a woman he is not married to.

And Darcy is going to use that desire to get her to tell him what he needs to know, Wickham's whereabouts. But the price will be high, he will have to endure her seductive games for at least a day, but very likely more, he will have to take her to dinner, take her to some amusement, bear with her vulgarities, and most of all, he will have to resist the very real temptations of her luscious flesh. For despite possessing a near inconceivable self-control over his natural urges, Darcy is still human, still a man, and Mrs Younge is a woman, very much so.

He will not talk to her, plead with her, work on her conscience. That is of no use with Mrs Younge, she is totally independent of society, has no wish to be respectable or get personal appreciation.

She wants amusement, and another chance at getting Darcy to submit to her sweet enticement. And the temptation has ever been huge, Darcy has his urges, as all men do, and since he is still single at twenty eight he has no way of honourably relieving them. He knows some of his class relieve them on dependents, or on ladies of sin, but Darcy prides himself on the self-control that has enabled him to stay pure all these years. And Mrs Younge wants to take that from him, wants to make him lose himself in lust, wants to make him beg for her luscious gifts.

It would have been easy to relinquish it to her years ago, giving himself relief and even enjoyment, with no strings attached, no indiscretion, no shame. But somehow his pride has always revolted against giving in, and maybe tonight, but more likely tomorrow, he will reap the reward of that strength of mind by finding out where Wickham is hiding.

But it will take some effort, for the thought of Miss Elizabeth makes it even harder to deliver himself to this dangerous game of wills, with himself having most to lose. No-one would ever know if he gave in, Mrs Younge would keep that sweet information to herself, to savour for years to come, but he would never forgive himself, would feel defiled forever, spoiled for marriage to a pure lady like Miss Elizabeth.

And Mrs Younge mustn't know he is madly in love, she needs to know she is still

attractive to him, or the game will be ruined and he will have to hope her avarice is bigger than her affection for Wickham that particular day. Playing the temptation game with her is a much more secure way of getting information out of her than plain bribery.

She likes him bossy and formal, so he keeps himself upright and arrogant, as the gleeful servant introduces him with a flourish. 'My Lady, Mr Darcy from Derbyshire requests to see you.' Mr Darcy's arrival is an unexpected pleasure to his mistress, and the servant knows he will be well rewarded for bringing him to her.

As Mrs Younge gets up from her sofa to greet him, Darcy decides on impulse to add an extra flourish to his own greeting as well, and as she stands before him in eager anticipation he bows, then kneels in front of her and takes her hand, kisses it, then lets go of it slowly, carefully, saying: 'My Lady, it is a pleasure to see you again.'

It is a very humble and very formal scene, and Mrs Younge nearly swoons at the sight of such a handsome, noble man kneeling before her. A sigh escapes her and she murmurs: 'Oh, Darcy, there is no-one like you. You haven't aged a day, and your manners are just so, ravishing.'

She does not touch him intimately or close in on him too far, that is part of the game. He has to come to her of his own free will, she may try to seduce him, but they play by the rules of the gentry, not of the street. She wants him more than ever, it is almost pitiful to behold, of course Darcy has gained a lot of feeling himself since they last met, and he can see very clearly now what he didn't deign to notice before. But he thinks of Miss Elizabeth and steels his heart. Dinner, a play or a show, some conversation, and then he has won.

They do not speak of why he has come, she probably knows, but she cannot resist him, she must have her chance at him. Darcy takes her to an excellent restaurant in her part of town, he cannot risk being seen by someone of his own class. Then they visit a very difficult play, her choice, he would have taken her to a naughty show just as gladly. She looks her fill of him, and flirts with him as far as their rules allow, sitting close enough that he can pick up her feminine scent, brushing him with subtle touches, flattering his good looks and exquisite manners.

After the play they retire to her sitting-room with a very good champagne, not too much, feeding him drunk is also out of the question, she would consider that cheating, and sitting together on the fur-covered sofa they talk about the play. She is very smart, she must have been thrilled to have him to see it with, for not many would understand all the layers it contains.

Their conversation is very pleasant, but Darcy finds he is not tempted in the least by the idea of her luscious body so very close to him, and he always used to feel her seductive qualities very much.

Being hopelessly in love must be the difference, and with his judgement unclouded by lust, he finds he actually likes Mrs Younge quite a lot. If things don't work out with Miss Elizabeth, he may return here and finally give in to her.

Not yet, though, his sister's conviction of Miss Elizabeth's feelings turning towards him has given him hope of finding happiness after all, and he will keep that hope until he knows it is absolutely in vain. But first he will have to act tempted for what he is worth, or his game is up and Wickham will escape.

And he manages to his own complete satisfaction, he just acts as if this is his fantasy, and Mrs Younge sees him shiver with repressed ardour, certain that if she doesn't get him to give himself up to her today, it must be tomorrow.

When it is time to be in bed, she is not ready to give up, yet, and somehow Darcy wants her to be satisfied with what entertainment she did get, somehow he doesn't want to best her anymore, if this is his payment for the information he needs, he will deliver it in full. Well, nearly full.

The next day he picks her up with a cab and they leave town for some outdoor entertainment. He rows her in a boat, and they walk through a little wood, did Miss Elizabeth infect him with this habit of rambling among trees? Finally he takes her to a dingy circus, a sad affair with rickety wagons, once gaudy paint peeling, the clowns depressed, the acrobats worn out and paunchy. The bearded lady is the prettiest woman in the whole crew.

They both love it, and Darcy resolves that if there ever is to be a Mrs Darcy, he will take her here as well. She cannot but appreciate this, it's humanity stripped bare to its very essence.

Again, they end up in Mrs Younge's sitting-room, and after another nice talk and some champagne, she asks: 'I suppose you want to know where George Wickham keeps the girl?'

He nods, surprised to have her give in so easily. She hands him a slip of paper with an address written on it in a neat flowing hand.

'They are planning to move soon, he's out of money once again. If you force him to marry her, all mothers with daughters in all of England will thank you for saving their girls from a right scoundrel. She cannot be more than sixteen once again, is his taste starting towards underage more and more?'

She was planning to give Wickham up from the start! This is a mighty clever woman, she has been playing with him for two days, getting him to entertain her, enjoying herself whilst knowing what he came for and ready to give it to him. He cannot but admire a mind like that!

'I enjoyed myself hugely, Darcy, you've changed, you're the best company I ever had. If it doesn't work out with your woman, please see me again. I'll treat you to some prime entertainment for once.

You're a mighty good actor, I nearly fell for it.'

Surprised, but pleased nonetheless how things worked out, Darcy observes: 'You saw through me from the start, and I never noticed. You are smart. If it doesn't work out, I'll be back, and for more than just entertainment.'

That surprises her, and flatters her not a little. 'Such a handsome fellow, you are. And you are a good man as well. Get him to marry her, and preferably far away from here. Now go quickly, before he is gone away, for I won't be able to tell you where he is if that happens.'


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

And Darcy takes a cab to the address straight away, hoping Wickham will indeed be there, with Miss Elizabeth's sister. It could have been his own sister, though Wickham would have had to marry her to get at her fortune, he still would have done unspeakable things to her, at fifteen.

As fortune wills it, someone just comes out of the building as he nears it, and Darcy can walk right up to Wickham's floor without having to knock or be let in. A feeling of disgust comes over him as he notices the general state the place is in, there is rubbish everywhere, the smell of boiled cabbage pervades the ground floor, after which it mingles with other, even less pleasant odours. There are several dishevelled children playing a noisy game on the stairs, and when Darcy passes them by in his decorous clothing and with his air of decision, they fall silent and stand aside, almost fearfully. This is a totally different world from the one Darcy is used to reside in.

He knocks on the door of the apartment with the right number, and feels a distinct satisfaction as George Wickham opens it, scantily dressed, sees his worst enemy right in front of him in full formal attire, and stands immobilised with shock for a full minute.

Darcy walks right past him, closing the door behind him in the process. The apartment is as dingy as the hall leading towards it, it is cheap, and still Mrs Younge says Wickham cannot afford to pay it any longer. 'Have you eaten today?' he asks the scruffy looking man in front of him.

Wickham recovers fast and says charmingly: 'I can't say that I have, no, thank you for your kind interest in my well-being.'

'Miss Lydia still with you?' Darcy is not in the mood for niceties.

Wickham doesn't verbally object to Darcy's authoritative way of talking but replies: 'She is, but she is not exactly dressed for company.' Darcy truly has to restrain himself not to knock the piece of filth out with a single blow, but that will hurt Lydia Bennet even more, for it will not get her her honour back and spoil her chances at marriage altogether. Besides, he is sure Wickham will relish having gotten under Darcy's skin. Darcy restrains himself and instead commands: 'Put on some clothes and tell her you'll be back in an hour or so, with something to eat. I'm buying you dinner.'

Within half an hour they are sitting in a private booth of the only establishment close-by that Wickham doesn't shake his head at, the others probably having a sizeable account in his name that needs payment. Wickham is eating what seems to be his first decent meal in weeks, and Darcy joins him, for he is hungry again after two busy days.

When the first plate of food in front of Wickham has disappeared and a second is ordered, Darcy says: 'Do you have no dignity at all, Wickham, another sixteen year old girl? You've really gone too far this time!'

The man opposite him complains: 'That's what Karen said, but how can I help it? The little tart made up her own mind to follow me around, I didn't force her! Did Karen give you my address? She must have, she refused me money, and a room in her house, I thought she was my friend.'

'Miss Younge was your friend, Wickham, she even mislead my sister for you, until you betrayed her trust, as you did with all of us.' But that was not what this was all about: 'The girl is sixteen, Wickham, why didn't you send her back to her friends? It was your duty as an adult not to take advantage of a girl her age.'

'You're still the same stuck-up prig you always were, Darcy,' Wickham finally has enough and lashes out, 'and what did it ever get you? I bet you're still a virgin.'

It doesn't even hurt much to hear Wickham say that, he's right of course, but thinking of Mrs Younge, Darcy knows it has been his own choice. 'I may be a prig, Wickham,' he retorts, 'but I'm a very rich prig, and you seem to be rather out of luck at the moment. Even your best friend Mrs Younge is quite fed up with you.'

That shuts him up nicely, and Darcy asks: 'Were you at least going to marry her?'

Wickham's face says enough, he wasn't, and he still isn't planning to.

'Why not? Mr Bennet isn't rich, but he can keep the two of you from starving.'

'Oh come one, Darcy, I wasn't raised a gentleman to marry a penniless minor noble's daughter! I can do much better, not here, I kind of had to leave the regiment rather quickly due to a minor misunderstanding, but in another country. Somewhere new, a fresh start.'

A gentleman no less, but in a way he's right and Darcy knows it: Darcy's father did raise Wickham to be a gentleman, even made the provisions for him to live as one, but Wickham just couldn't measure up. This is the neighbourhood where he seems most at home, actually. But Darcy doesn't tell Wickham that of course, instead he offers: 'I can take care of that within days, Wickham,' hating himself for bribing a worthless piece of thrash he'd rather leave here to be killed by some impatient creditor, or to sink into debauchery further and further.

'You want me to marry her? Why? What do you care about some trashy country girl?' Wickham looks at him shrewdly, and Darcy is hard put to keep a straight face and not let his anxiety show. 'Never mind my motives,' he replies coolly, 'let's talk about how much it would take for you to make an honourable wife out of Miss Lydia Bennet. I'm certain we can come to an arrangement.'

They barter like farmers over what it is worth to Wickham to avoid abject poverty by marrying the sixteen year old girl currently living in sin with him. Darcy can spare the money, but it hurts to enrich his most hated enemy, the man who did himself and his sister so much harm, and soiled Darcy's reputation into the bargain. Still, it will be worth something to have Wickham married and unable to ruin more women with his slick manners and his silken speeches. And it does give Darcy some satisfaction to see him in such dire straits, Wickham really is a hopeless loser and he will always remain such.

During the next two days Darcy has the apartment watched by a private investigator to make sure Wickham doesn't make his escape. But they have come to an agreement on financial compensation, and Wickham will most likely decide to gracefully accept immediate relief from his debts and his deplorable situation.

He has to meet Wickham a further four times to arrange all the details, a list of his debts to be made, a new commission to be purchased, preferably as far away from Hertfordshire or Derbyshire as possible, the details of the wedding to be arranged.

And Darcy makes one attempt to convince Lydia to leave Wickham and start a new life somewhere without him. But she refuses resolutely, it is just incredible that this is actually Miss Elizabeth's full sister, for she is frighteningly stupid and uneducated, and she insists on remaining with Wickham, whom she believes to be the man of her dreams. In a way, Darcy finds a certain vindication in forcing Wickham to marry her, for Wickham is a smart man in his own right who certainly appreciates intelligence in a woman. To have him shackled to this featherheaded, loud-mouthed little tart will be a punishment for life to him, a punishment he richly deserves.

A bit ashamed of his uncharitable feelings towards his beloved's sister, he promises the silly girl everything will be all right, and he prepares to visit Mr Gardiner, whom he has in mind to execute all his arrangements so his share in it will not become public. Miss Elizabeth must never know, for it might change things between them, and likely not for the good. He wants her to be happy, preferably with him, but he does not want her to be attentive to him because she feels obliged to return his favours.

After making sure his man still watches the apartment, he takes a cab to Gracechurch street, to call on Mr Gardiner. A servant opens at his knock, and Darcy asks politely whether his master is in at the moment, and whether Mr Bennet is still in town. With only a slightly strange look, the man replies that the master is out for the moment, but that he will certainly be back the next day.

Mr Bennet is still in the house, but he will leave the next morning. Darcy leaves no name or specifics but tells the servant he will be back tomorrow for a business call.

Glad to go home early, he has dinner alone, then sits in his library all by himself with a glass of excellent brandy. With the hard part of the business concluded, he allows himself to dwell on his wishes for half an hour, day-dreaming of the woman he loves.

He no longer cares about being related by marriage to Wickham, or having the silliest mother-in-law ever. He just wants the woman he loves to become his to hold, and to worship her in total adulation, as foolishly as Lydia Bennet adores her very dear Wickham.

The next day sees him back at Gracechurch street, and seen in daylight it actually turns out to be quite a nice place. Mr Gardiner's house is of a very decent size, and very well-kept. Darcy knocks on the door, and the servant is the same as yesterday, recognizing him as well. 'Mr Gardiner asks you politely to follow me,' he says, and Darcy does so with anticipation, despite the sensitive nature of his business, this has the potential to become quite enjoyable.

And so it turns out to be. Mr Gardiner is at first almost stunned to see him, but quickly recovers and offers him coffee. They retreat to the library, where Darcy explains the goal of his visit, giving Mr Gardiner obvious relief: 'We didn't have a clue where to even start looking, London is huge, a man can disappear here quite readily. May I ask how you did find him?'

Darcy gives him the censored version of his dealings with Mrs Younge, not mentioning Georgiana's meditated elopement, nor his own strange relationship to Wickham's lady friend. Then he relates the arrangements he has already made on the new couple's behalf, and he gives Mr Gardiner a quick insight in Lydia Bennet's motives. His host is not surprised, and shakes his head sadly. 'Unfortunately not all my nieces have the excellent sense and understanding that Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth have. Of course we are very grateful to you for saving our niece's honour, and frankly that of our other nieces as well, but may I ask why you would go through so much trouble for a girl so wholly unconnected to you?'

Oh, how Darcy longs to tell this sympathetic man of his yearning for Miss Elizabeth, and his ardent wish to see her happy, the heartache her grief gave him. But he does not, he states his other reason, just as valid and a lot better suited to be publicly known, how he should have exposed Wickham as a fraud straight away, but how he didn't feel the need to lay his private life open for everybody to discuss.

And Mr Gardiner accepts his explanation, though he does let Darcy feel that his other possible motives are probably as noble and as kind as the one he has stated. They leave it at that, and Miss Elizabeth's name is not mentioned once, not by himself, and not by Mr Gardiner.

Within days, everything is arranged and formalized to perfection, Mr Bennet has written his consent, and Miss Lydia will live with the Gardiners until the wedding, Mrs Gardiner has returned with her children, and she is well able to keep her niece from further mischief.

Darcy still has Wickham watched, he is not going to take any chances until the wedding is over and done with. But Wickham seems to have resigned himself to the whole scheme, his creditors must have started to threaten him with serious harm, for he seems to seriously lack his former spirit and boundless optimism.

Darcy rides back to Pemberley to spend a few more days with his friends and his sister, who asks to see him in her apartment and tells him: 'Miss Bingley is not recovered yet, but she has stopped crying at least. I'm afraid she will not give you up completely until you are well and truly married, and if you do not succeed in winning your lady, she will be there to comfort you.

Mr Bingley was a great help to me, he kept his family in line and amused. I practised every day and spent most evenings reading in the living-room, and Mrs Annesley accepted that. And how did things work out for you? I guess well, for you look fine.'

'It was less awful than I imagined, getting Wickham's address was less unnerving than I thought, it took me just two days. And bribing him to marry Miss Elizabeth's most stupid and trashy sister was a true pleasure, she's over the moon, but he'll be thoroughly unhappy with her I'm sure. And her aunt and uncle were even nicer than I imagined, such steady, smart, developed people, both of them. I actually enjoyed arranging business matters with them. I think they believe Miss Elizabeth and I are already quite intimate, but since I didn't dare mention her, and they are much too considerate to inquire, we didn't talk about her at all. So I still don't know what she thinks of me.

I'll attend the wedding next week, and then I'll propose a nice trip to Netherfield to my dear friend Bingley.'

And he does just that, the morning after his return from Wickham's marriage to Miss Lydia Bennet: 'Say Bingley, my business in town is finally concluded, and I feel like a leisurely trip. What would you think of you and me riding to Hertfordshire in a week or so to do some serious shooting? Just you and me.'

His friend's face is s a study in emotion all of a sudden, and Darcy almost readies himself to catch him as he faints. But Bingley manages to restrain himself, and after pretending to be contemplating the scheme, he replies: 'I think it's a capital idea, Darcy, I shall write to Reynolds immediately. Without ladies you say?'

Darcy nods, and observes: 'We might want to engage in some social activities there, you'll be invited to dine with families, we may want to attend a dance or two, let's keep it simple.'

With a shrewd look, Bingley says: 'I'm sorry my sister keeps harassing you, Darcy, I've given her hints regularly, but she doesn't seem to be able to control herself. Fortunately she's engaged to visit other friends the coming weeks, so we can have a week of leisure here as well. Of course Georgiana is much better able to entertain herself, once she is with her instrument she seems to lose every sense of time. And have you noticed how proficient she is becoming?'

'I have, dear friend, she's going to take some extra classes this winter, you know, with a truly superior master. I would very much appreciate to spend the coming week with just the two of you.'

And so it happens that they spend one more week with just Georgiana around, Mrs Annesley having a week off to visit her family. The gentlemen are out all morning for their sports, and in the afternoons they usually take a long walk in the woods with Georgiana, exploring the whole park on foot together, and finding some lovely spots even Darcy has never seen since he's usually on horseback.

When the week has passed, Miss Annesley returns and Darcy promises Georgiana they will go to London together in a week's time to find a master for her for the coming winter. He will fetch her from Pemberley, for it is the end of the harvest, and his people expect him to attend some festivities. But for now, Bingley and himself are on their way to Hertfordshire, to both find either love, or the end of hope.

They arrive to find Netherfield spotlessly clean and well-stocked, Mrs Reynolds is a good housekeeper. Their days are filled with hunting activities and pass quickly, of course Bingley has some business to attend to as well after half a year's absence. In both men, a certain restlessness grows, Darcy feels like a apprehensive child himself, and Bingley doesn't seem much better.

During dinner on the evening of the second day, Bingley clearly feels a lack of appetite, and he looks at his friend and blurts out: 'Whatever you may think, I'm riding to Longbourn tomorrow morning. I need to be sure, I can't bear the suspense anymore, I need to see her just one more time.'

Darcy feels incredibly guilty, and more than a little apprehensive himself, but he coolly observes: 'Of course you do, Bingley, I understand completely. I'll come with you for support.'

As they arrive at Longbourn and get to the door, it seems to Darcy as if he is the one who is the most out of sorts now, he cannot seem to control himself, his nerves are all buzzing, he knows he will not be welcomed here by most of the family, but will the only one who matters receive him with pain or pleasure?

Bingley is the braver man, and as he knocks the door is opened by a servant, who leads them to the sitting-room where all the ladies are gathered. Miss Bennet greets the two of them with quiet politeness, she is truly very beautiful, and doesn't seem to feel any emotion at seeing Bingley again after almost six months. Or does she?

Of course Darcy cannot keep his eyes from searching out the face that seems to be the only thing of any importance in his life right now, but when he finds it, it doesn't face him as frankly and as openly as he had hoped, and only his sister's assurance that a budding love for him might lead the object of his affections to behave this subdued keeps him from turning around and running back to his horse. He cannot face rejection once more.

Naturally the mother is offensive, dripping with civility to Bingley, cold and repulsive to himself, but he has generally been lacking in civility in his behaviour to the people of this neighbourhood, they have every reason to dislike him and he will have just to suffer it.

Miss Elizabeth does seem to wilt under her mother's incivility, maybe that is what's oppressing her, and even his friendly inquiry after Mr and Mrs Gardiner is not loosening her up. She answers briefly and continues her needlework. She does look lovely bent over her work, as beautiful and as glowing as ever, though her eyes are mostly directed at the floor or her work.

Fortunately Miss Bennet is very friendly, as always, making him feel at least the slightest bit welcome. The conversation turns to Mrs Wickham's marriage, but Darcy doesn't listen much to what is said, he merely observes Miss Bennet's behaviour to his friend, and sometimes dares a glance at her sister to feel his heart swell for a few moments, until her distant attitude starts to hurt him and he turns his attention to his friend once more.

It is clear that Bingley is still very much attracted to Miss Bennet, and with Miss Elizabeth's assurance that her sister loves Bingley dearly in mind, he does seem to notice a difference in Miss Bennet, she has clearly been hurt, she is less open, less chatty than she used to be.

Miss Elizabeth inquires after Georgiana, and he tells her she is still at Pemberley with Mrs Annesley, the rest of the company having moved on to other friends. He wants to take Miss Elizabeth outside, and ramble through the woods with her, and tell her about his feelings, but he can't. He has to sit here and hear her mother sneer at him, and see her beautiful, gifted daughter wilt ever more with shame and misery.

Maybe Miss Elizabeth remembers his letter, his severe censure of her mother's manners, and is so ashamed she cannot speak. It would be a judgement on his own pride, his feeling of superiority once more turned against him, for it is lessening his chance to reach her, to convince her he truly loves her. Darcy has long since stopped caring about her relatives, he only cares about her.

Pretty soon, Miss Elizabeth and himself are delivered from this mutual torture by Bingley and Darcy's departure, but not before Mrs Bennet invites them over to dinner in two days. However much his own doubt has grown this afternoon, his friend is already very comfortable again, Miss Bennet is not yet as outgoing as she used to, but she has thawed towards Bingley considerably, and in Darcy's opinion her being different than she used to is proof she does care. Bingley is probably going to be a very happy man in a few days, but his own fate is not yet clear at all.

Nor does the dinner party shed any light on his chances. He knows he is not the same as he was in the company of Mr and Mrs Gardiner, but she is not helping him at all, by being distant and evasive.

His discomfort makes him a shade too slow when finding a seat, and he is stuck next to Mrs Bennet all night. Fortunately he can easily refrain from talking, and he spends the night observing Bingley and Miss Bennet, certain now that the love does come from both sides. Miss Bennet is a lot less spirited, but she does like Bingley a lot, that much is clear, and he is as smitten as he ever was.

And that is the most he gets from that evening, well, and a chance to say a few words to Miss Elizabeth, but she is not herself, once again. There is no way to really talk in this company, and he soon gives up and just looks at her, admires her, prays that she has found love for him in her heart and behaves in this confusing manner out of uncertainty and emotion.

After another few days of shooting by day, and quiet evenings at home, the time has come that Darcy has to go to Pemberley for his duties and to see Georgiana. It pains him to have to go away without knowing more, but at least he will be able to right one more wrong before he goes, and he does so immediately.

'Bingley, I have a confession to make, and it's going to make you very angry.'

His friend's friendly face looks surprised and concerned, Darcy has never sounded so contrite before, this must be bad.

'Your sister and I conspired to keep you away from Hertfordshire because we thought Miss Bennet was mercenary, because we thought Miss Bennet didn't love you.'

Bingley seems relieved, he already knew that and accepted their more objective observations, even though they contradicted his own: 'Well, you told me that, and I was glad you warned me for I seriously thought she did love me. But I cannot seem to forget her, so I guess I'll just have to be duped then. But that was just honest advice, wasn't it?'

Darcy shakes his head, and adds: 'Miss Bennet was in London for three whole months, and Miss Bingley and I knew, but we kept it from you on purpose.'

That does make Bingley angry, making him look quite formidable actually, who would've thought his friend could be so menacing! 'You what?'

'There is no excuse for what we did, Bingley, we wanted to protect you from a very unwise connection but it was a despicable thing to do.'

'You are so right there is no possible excuse for what you did! Have you any idea what I've suffered over this?'

Darcy admits: 'I have, I have seen your pain, and it gets worse. Miss Elizabeth told me that her sister does love you, that there was no reason at all to keep the two of you apart. We caused you to suffer for nothing.'

'You talked about me with Miss Elizabeth? How? And why? You hardly know her!'

This needs explaining, and Darcy tells his friend everything. Bingley's anger flares up at hearing how his friend did his best to separate him from Miss Bennet, then proposed to her sister himself, but seeing the pain in his friend's face, the same hurt he has been feeling for months now, his anger ebbs a little, replaced by sympathy for his plight.

'So how come you didn't tell me this before? If Miss Bennet does love me, I could have spoken months ago!'

Darcy replies: 'I wanted to observe her first, see if she really did love you before sending you out there, but I couldn't face her sister yet. Can you forgive me, Bingley?'

'I don't know, Darcy, you treated me like a child, I could have made the decision myself, couldn't I? Why did it have to be you who decided she loved me? Why not me? I have no trouble at all believing Miss Elizabeth. She is very intimate with Jane, and has her best interest at heart.'

Bingley is right, Darcy has no right to interfere in his life, his friend is an adult, with the right to make his own decisions. 'I'm sorry again, Bingley, I don't know why I thought you needed protection. You are a grown man and I will not patronize you again. I seem to be the one unable to make anything but bad decisions '

He looks positively beat, but Bingley has no eye for his friend anymore, he is starting to feel more and more elated: Miss Bennet, dear Jane, loves him! She will be his at last, the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world, he really has no doubts anymore, she hasn't told him she loves him, but her behaviour the last two days, and Miss Elizabeth's conviction say it all. She did love him all this time, and she still does. He will try to get her alone tomorrow, tell her his fondest wishes.

Bingley clasps his friend's shoulder with affection, saying: 'I forgive you your interference Darcy, if Miss Elizabeth says her sister loves me, I'm sure she does, and dear Jane and I will be the happiest couple ever. I'll write you as soon as I have good news.'

And that is that. The difficult moment is over, but Darcy feels awful, his friend is no longer angry at him, on the contrary, he is so happy that he has totally forgotten Darcy's own plight. To see his friend elated when Miss Elizabeth was so grave and silent, she probably still hates him after all, maybe it is for the best he leaves for Pemberley tomorrow morning. There is nothing for him to gain here.

Georgiana will be sympathetic to his pain.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

And she is, she listens to his observations on Bingley and Miss Elizabeth, and asks: 'Do you agree that Miss Bennet will accept Bingley if he proposes to her?'

Darcy cannot but affirm, when he left things looked really promising, and Miss Bennet is very steady, so her affections will probably be steady, too. Georgiana is glad to hear that, and she says: 'Don't worry about your former interference, it's not all your fault, you know, he does have a certain naivete that invites people to feel protective of him, I have even felt that at times.

What you say of Miss Elizabeth still doesn't worry me, her mother did behave atrociously, and if she is still feeling uncertain about her feelings for you, I'm not surprised at her being rather quiet. Just go back there when our business here and in London is done, and be patient.'

What can he do but live his life and hope she is right?

She accompanies him on his duties to his tenants, the first time she volunteers to do so, and she makes a real effort to be outgoing and interested in their concerns, to the great enjoyment of herself and the tenants of his estate, who cannot but find Miss Darcy a lot less proud and a lot more likeable than her reputation.

When after a few days Darcy gets a letter from Bingley, announcing his engagement to Miss Bennet, he lets Georgiana read it, and she comforts him for the pain he feels at his friend having succeeded where he is still very much in the dark. But she also congratulates him on the certainty of seeing Miss Elizabeth often from now on, with his best friend and her sister married, they will be in the same house very often, and Georgiana admonishes him to take his time. It is so very thrilling to get advice from his little sister, she is so grown up all of a sudden.

Then they drive to London together, a very enjoyable trip for both of them. In London, they find and visit several talented pianists, and Georgiana plays for all of them. In the end, two of them are willing to teach a girl, and Georgiana tells Darcy she likes one of them better because he seems to truly see some talent in her, the other one merely needs the money. So they engage the master in question, a younger man, a stage pianist who hasn't yet managed to reach the highest level of his art, and teaches one or two students each year to improve his income.

Darcy doesn't worry about Georgiana feeling attracted to him, he seems to be the docile kind that she admitted to dislike, and Mrs Annesley will be chaperoning her anyway.

After their successful search for a master, Georgiana pleads to be allowed to stay in London to start her lessons straight away, and Darcy consents and writes to Mrs Annesley immediately, to bid her to come to London as soon as possible by coach.

Then they have dinner together, and Darcy is again struck by the change in his sister, she is so mature and such excellent company! They talk through dinner, then Georgiana retires to her own apartment to put in some extra practise.

Darcy picks up a book, content to be all by himself for an evening. He has chosen a novel, he never used to read those, but he feels the need to drown his anxiety in someone else's troubles. Soon he is immersed in the story, his own concerns forgotten for a few blessed hours.

Until his butler knocks and enters the library, announcing: 'Lady Catherine de Bourgh to see you, sir.'

A surprise visit from his aunt? Whatever might be the reason for that? Though Darcy is not particularly fond of his aunt, he is curious what she has come for, and he puts away his book and asks the butler to receive her in the sitting-room.

Lady Catherine is not happy, that much is clear, she barges in and starts talking even before Darcy has had the chance to greet her properly. He sits down to hear her out, but she doesn't follow his example, she remains standing as if to emphasise her indignity.

'Pardon my impetuousness, Darcy, but I have just been insulted in the most outrageous manner, by a young woman not worthy of the term lady, neither by her connections nor by her behaviour.

I drove by Miss Elizabeth Bennet's house this afternoon, to beg her to clear up some rumours I had heard of her being engaged to marry my nephew, meaning of course, you, Darcy.'

That is the last thing Darcy expected to hear, and even though he can guess where such a rumour came from, his best friend is engaged to her sister after all, it still gives him a little thrill to hear her name mentioned in one breath with his own. He manages to control his reaction, though his aunt would not have noticed if he hadn't, for she is already moving on to the next indignity.

'You know I have shown that young lady every possible consideration when she visited her cousin last spring, and now she thanks me by spreading rumours concerning herself and someone so much above her she should be ashamed to even think of it. Thankless girl!'

Here, Darcy feels called upon to say something in Miss Elizabeth's defence, since he knows she would never do such a thing. 'Dear aunt Catherine, please keep in mind that a coming wedding always gives rise to rumours of this kind, and with my friend Bingley engaged to her sister, this rumour is most likely the result of the neighbourhood gossiping.'

Lady Catherine contemplates that, she has always had a healthy respect for Darcy's opinion, and she replies: 'However true that may be, the insolence of that girl knows no bounds, for after she denied my implications fervently and without the slightest respect for my person, she refused to answer my question whether you had made her an offer of marriage, and told me in the most offensive manner possible that it was none of my business to know.'

Did that signify anything? It would have been such a triumph for Miss Elizabeth to have told Lady Catherine frankly that he had, and that she had refused it. Her Ladyship would have been mortified, and Miss Elizabeth's feelings on being thus addressed would have been vindicated.

'And when I told her you were engaged to my daughter, she suggested that would make an offer from you to her impossible. I then explained patiently that that had been the wish of both your mother and myself from the very first, that there was no formal engagement between the two of you.

She then presumed to instruct me that it was solely your choice to either honour our wish, or not, not hers. She even suggested that if your choice was not for Anne, but for herself, she would not feel hindered by my wishes nor your late mother's to accept you.'

Staggered by his aunt's angry words, Darcy feels a sudden hope rise inside him. Miss Elizabeth speaks to Lady Catherine of accepting an offer of marriage from him? He needs to hear more, and since his aunt is not done by far, and working herself up to even greater anger, his wish is granted.

'I told her she would be the most ungrateful girl in the world if she were to marry you, and that she would be slighted and despised by all your connections. And you know what she said?'

Darcy is completely stunned, and not able to give an answer, but of course it is not needed or even expected.

'The obstinate, insolent girl replied that that would be most unfortunate indeed, but, and this is literally what she said, that the wife of Mr Darcy must be so happy by being just that, that she could not be expected to have any reason to repine. She actually said that, I have never been talked to in that way.'

Oh my god. Dare he hope she said these things because she truly believes them? Does Miss Elizabeth believe that she would endure being slighted and despised to be married to him? Not that she'd care about any of his aunt's pompous connections.

Wouldn't she have laughed at Lady Catherine if she hadn't cared for him, and told her he could marry his cousin for all she cared, and sire a brood of sickly runts on her? No that's his opinion on marrying his cousin, Miss Elizabeth would never be so rude. But she would have told his aunt frankly that she didn't care about him, if she in fact didn't care about him. Therefore, she must care about him.

His mind is running in circles by now, but his aunt is still not finished.

'I worked on her honour, her compassion for you, for your respectability, but she did not budge. In desperation, I asked her whether she was engaged to you, and fortunately after some time she admitted she wasn't. But she did not oblige me by promising me she wouldn't ever enter such an engagement, and instead accused me of officious interference in your affairs, and her own. I then threw her youngest sister's elopement in her face and she became positively resentful. Will you believe she told me I had offended her? As if she wasn't the one being offensive, refusing to listen to reason and stay in her own little world.

So I came here instead to warn you that she is determined to have you, and to make you promise me not to fall for her devious plotting.'

Darcy would not have chosen Lady Catherine as his witness when he vowed not to trust on his own observations to decide that Miss Elizabeth felt at least some love for him. But isn't this the sign he had hoped for? Wouldn't Miss Elizabeth have scorned the very suggestion of intimacy between them if she hadn't learned to love him at least a bit?

He needs to know, and he needs to know soon. As soon as Mrs Annesley has arrived he will ride to Netherfield, and he will have the truth of it, whatever Georgiana may say about taking time.

A sound brings him out of his musings, to see his aunt waiting for a reaction. She has not asked him to promise anything he cannot keep, so he will answer her frankly and truthfully: 'Thank you for your warning, aunt Catherine. I feel I can safely promise you to not be taken in by any devious lady plotting against me. I will marry only where my heart lies, and after serious consideration of the consequences of my choice.'

That is the entire truth, even if it means marrying Miss Elizabeth as quickly as he can get her to agree. He has after all considered the consequences for months, and he doesn't care what anyone thinks. Anyone except Miss Elizabeth, and he has never had so much hope of her before.

His aunt seems satisfied by his empty promise, and she returns to her carriage immediately, not even enquiring after Georgiana. When she is gone, Darcy goes back to the library and sits down, mind in a complete flutter. His thoughts keep spinning, dare he hope that this is it, the fulfilment of his dreams?

No, he dare not. But he will find out, soon. Before Georgiana goes to bed, she comes to find him, and he tells her about Lady Catherine's visit, but not of his intention to propose to Miss Elizabeth again as soon as possible. She'll disapprove, but he is determined to do it.

She is very sweet, and says: 'See, she does love you. Now don't be disheartened if she's still quiet, just do your best to draw her out and she will do the same for you. Everything will work out fine. Now let's have some fun together until Mrs Annesley arrives, that will make time go a lot faster until you can ride to Netherfield.

And indeed it does, for when that estimable lady finally arrives, it doesn't seem like three days have passed. It's still early afternoon, so he has his packs readied, and his horse saddled, and takes his leave of his sister. The last thing she says is: 'Write to me, Fitzwilliam, don't leave me in the dark, please!'

She doesn't tell him to be patient, or not to rush things, she knows he will propose, and she wants him to write her. She expects success.

And with that comforting thought he soothes himself during the short ride to Netherfield, where he is received with pleasure by Bingley, who has obviously forgiven him his interference in his affairs and is supremely happy with his fiancée

After Darcy has congratulated him with genuine feeling on his engagement, Bingley says: 'I have a dinner engagement tonight at the Wrights, but I suppose you must be rather tired anyway. You'll come with me to meet my fiancée tomorrow morning, won't you? She has loved me all this time, and was sadly disappointed when I left. I didn't tell her anything about what Caroline and you did, I want you all to be friends, I just told her I was very occupied with business and felt too insecure of her to write. She believed me.

I guess she'll blame Caroline for not telling me she was in London, but Jane is so forgiving, she won't hold it against her for long. I'm so happy, Darcy, I wish you could be the same.'

Having dined alone that night, Darcy retrieves the novel he was reading at home in London from his luggage, and his evening passes quickly, with only a little apprehension for the next morning.

As they ride out to Longbourn, Bingley in an excellent mood of course, Darcy feels his nerves rise so much, that even his horse reacts to the tension in his body and shakes its head and refuses to stand still. It doesn't get any better when they arrive, and Miss Elizabeth is still as silent as she generally has been the last weeks. But he congratulates Miss Bennet heartily on her engagement to his friend, and is received well by the one person in this household who does seem to like him. Bingley then proposes they all walk out.

That would be best, for being active and out of sight of Mrs Bennet will be a great plus. As Bingley and Miss Bennet let the others outstrip them, and Miss Catherine turns into a lane to visit a friend, he is now on his own with Miss Elizabeth, whose nervous mood he can feel even from where he is walking beside her.

This is it, this is the moment that will make him the happiest of men or break him.

But before he can think of anything to say, his beautiful companion racks his nerves even more, by thanking him for the kindness he did her youngest sister. Will things never work out for him, how could she have found that out? He tells her he sincerely regrets her having been told about that, he never meant to cause her any unease, and she explains that her featherheaded sister gave him away.

She practically begs him to accept her thanks, in name of her whole family, who fortunately still haven't the slightest idea that he was the one who rescued the girl from infamy. But since he didn't do it for them, but for her, she might as well know that, now the moment of truth has arrived. So he tells her he thought only of her.

Despite her not giving any reaction or reply to that, no encouragement or sign of caring whatsoever, he must know, and now it is his turn to beg, to beg her to tell him where he stands, does she still hate him? He still loves her and wants her to accept his hand in marriage, will she please put him out of his misery of not knowing?

It's done, and her continued silence and averted face don't bode very well. They have stopped moving, and he can feel his heart beating in his throat, making breathing difficult.

And then she speaks, haltingly, strong feeling colouring her voice: 'My feelings for you did change, a lot. For I didn't know you then, but I think I know you now, and I think I love you. I do love you. I am very grateful and happy to hear you still want me in your life.'

As he hears her declaration of her love, his heart soars, and a feeling of intense joy takes hold of him. She still doesn't look at him directly, but she takes his hand and holds it against her, and she is standing really close to him all of a sudden.

His love for her washes over him, and for once he feels the urge to speak: 'My dearest Elizabeth, you have no idea how happy the assurance of your love makes me. I have had no thoughts but of you for months, you were always with me, in my dreams, but also in my every waking moment, wherever I went. I've been so afraid you would never be able to love me, I've never met anyone like you, nor will I. May I hold you for a moment? I've wanted to for such a long time.'

She doesn't speak, but lays her head on his chest and wraps her arms around him, and he does the same, and for very few moments they stand together in their first embrace. It is even better than he imagined all this time, and his desire for her awakens, slowly for having been repressed for so long, finally setting fire to his body until he has to break the embrace or lose his control and kiss her passionately. That can wait, he has waited so long to find love, and now she is finally his and he will wait a little longer. But he kisses her glossy hair before they part and move on, and now she does look him in the eye, and strokes his cheek softly.

Her loving gaze and her gentle touch nearly overcome Darcy, so real, and yet so much like his secret fantasies, his dreams have finally come true, and his years of loneliness and yearning are over.

Both a bit shy at their own audacity, they walk on quickly, not touching, but closer to each other than they have ever been for any length of time.

They have never exchanged more than a few sentences, and always in the company of others, but now they find out they can really talk, that they can relate to each other.

'You are the only woman I have ever met whom I could imagine spending my life with, Elizabeth. And I was so very afraid I would never succeed in winning your affection. I was still so very much in love, and so afraid to find nothing but rejection again. It would have broken my heart forever.'

He mentions his aunt's visit a few days ago, how she tried to get him to promise her to never marry Elizabeth, but managed to accomplish the exact opposite by giving him some hope of her, knowing she would have just told Lady Catherine if she had still hated him.

And finally they can speak about what happened in Hunsford Parsonage, Elizabeth tells him she was nearly as ashamed of her part in that scene as he has been of his. Though he is glad to know that, he still protests it, and he describes how he has taken her reproofs to heart and has tried to change, to become a better man, finding value in people all around him and a new bond to his sister in the process.

They spend at least an hour talking intimately, walking on all this time, until they are so far from her home that even Elizabeth doesn't know where they are anymore. Still, they find their way back, and they discuss even the most sensitive subjects, and all this time Darcy feels an ever stronger sense of rightness master him, he was not mistaken, Elizabeth Bennet is the woman of his life, they can talk for ever and ever and still find each other interesting. He is even starting to appreciate this habit of hers, of rambling through the country.

And as he is musing quietly for a few minutes, she looks at him with humour, then says: 'I am already getting used to those moments of silence. I wondered why you wanted to walk with me in Hunsford Park when you hardly said any word at all, but now I see you're very comfortable just being together.'

And still he doesn't speak, he knows his expression will show her the love he feels hearing her say that. He takes her hand in his own, and very briefly they walk on hand in hand, until they get too close to the village and let go of each other once more.

When they enter the house they are like strangers again, and Darcy wonders a little why no-one questions their very long absence without chaperone, though they do exclaim on Elizabeth's admission of getting lost. But apparently country habits differ from city habits, or maybe it's just Mrs Bennet's way of raising her daughters.

Darcy doesn't manage to wonder for long, though, frankly he is a bit overcome by his feelings, after months of anxious suspense, Miss Elizabeth has told him that his love for her is mutual, his intense feelings for her finally returned. And with her on the other side of the room, talking to Bingley and her sister, it all feels a bit unreal.

It becomes virtually impossible for him to talk, he needs to take a few moments to compose himself, to order his thoughts and his feelings. Fortunately he is often silent, and no-one asks him for an explanation. Slowly the truth sinks in, Miss Elizabeth, no, just Elizabeth now, they're engaged, Elizabeth loves him, she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.

Bewilderment now makes way slowly for total content, his dearest wish has come true, they will always be together, in a few weeks, happiness will be just an arm's length away from him. He has a hard time keeping from smiling ear to ear, and to settle his mind he quietly rethinks everything they have just talked about, all the things that ever happened between the two of them, and after half an hour he is ready to face the world once more, enabling him to just sit and enjoy dinner with this weird family in total complaisance, talking to whoever wants him to, making himself agreeable.

Tomorrow, he will have to face Mr Bennet, who will not refuse a man of Darcy's consequence his consent to wed his daughter, but who may flay him with words in the process of giving it to him. But tonight he will relish his good fortune, that the woman without whom life would not have had any meaning for him, has managed to overcome her abhorrence of him and found it in her to love him.

Elizabeth is silent, too, but Darcy now knows she does love him, she just gets tongue-tied when she experiences strong feelings. Once they are comfortably settled she'll become her old self again, and continue to tease him with pert remarks and witty observations. He can't wait!

After dinner he finds a few moments to talk with her a little, and when they take leave he first does his very best to show his utmost courtesy to her silly mother, then touches Elizabeth's hand for the tiniest moment, to remind her of their understanding. Rewarded with a shy smile, he leaves in the best of spirits, eager to share his happiness with his best friend, and soon to be brother.

And as they straighten their coats and walk towards their horses, saddled by Mr Bennet's stable boy and very well-cared for as always, Bingley takes a good hard look at Darcy and exclaims: 'I say, my friend, I have not seen a smile like that on your handsome noble face for..well, actually I've never seen a smile like that on your face. Ever. Surely you must have popped the question, and met with approval of the young lady?'

For a moment, Darcy is lost for words, Bingley sounds as if he didn't expect Darcy to have a chance at all, does he know something Darcy didn't? But he has no time to formulate his question, for he is taken in a bear hug by his smaller friend, who says: 'My congratulations, Darcy, imagine you having the nerve to ask again, and to be accepted. Jane will be so happy to hear that.'

Accepting his friend's token of affection graciously, still smiling broadly most likely, Darcy thanks the stable boy and hands him a few pennies as a token of his appreciation, takes his horse from him, then mounts in one fluid move. Bingley follows suit, and as they ride off Darcy asks: 'You didn't think she'd me accept then?'

'Frankly, I didn't expect you to try again so soon or I would have warned you. Jane knew about your proposal in Hunsford, her sister had told her, and though Jane admitted to having quite a fancy for you herself for loving her sister, she likewise told me you probably didn't stand a chance with Miss Elizabeth, since she truly disliked you. I'm relieved she was wrong, and very glad to see you happy at last.'

That is peculiar, but since Elizabeth did accept him, and he is seeing her again tomorrow, Darcy doesn't think of it for long, he is way too happy to think of anything but his beloved, and her beauty, and her fabulous mind.

Remembering his promise to Georgiana, Darcy writes her a few lines to share his success and his happiness with her, and leaves the letter with the butler to have it mailed in the morning. Then he retires to his bedroom, packs away the novel since he doesn't need it anymore, and lies on his bed wide awake, reliving the whole blessed afternoon in his mind again and again, and trying to envision how life will be with the woman of his dreams finally at his side. His happiness knows no bounds, he's almost giddy with it, never in his life has he felt like this.

When he finally does find sleep, his subconscious sends him a very titillating dream, with intimacies being exchanged between himself and Elizabeth of a rather different nature than holding hands and stroking his cheek, but rather kissing feverishly and stroking each other in very intimate places.

In his dream he is not embarrassed or ashamed at all at touching her, and she receives his attentions with pleasure, reciprocating his caresses with equal passion, it all feels very natural and right. He wakes up sweating with the heat of his ardour, instantly ashamed of his own forward behaviour, the sense of rightness replaced by a deep mortification at his lack of control.

How long can it be before they are actually married? A month, maybe two, no need to hurry being intimate. His mind back in control, still his body refuses to obey, it takes at least an hour to cool down enough for him to be able to sleep again, but no part of his mind doubts the rightness of resisting the temptation, so eventually his urges do give up.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The next morning he remembers his dream as if everything has really happened, and it makes him a little afraid to meet Elizabeth, what if he cannot control himself any longer and kisses her as he did in that dream?

His reception at Longbourn is as cool as the day before, but Bingley greets Elizabeth with a most hearty handshake and a broad smile, and Miss Bennet greets Darcy with a very sweet, knowing expression and as warm a handshake. Elizabeth has been as open to her sister as he has been to Bingley, and Miss Bennet's approval need not be doubted. She has always been very friendly towards him, and Darcy feels some shame at having ever thought her mercenary or without much feeling. She has strong feelings, she just doesn't flaunt them.

Bingley is in such an excellent mood that he suggests familiarly that Lizzy might want to lose her way again today, and Mrs Bennet jumps on the idea, even without the addition of Miss Catherine, not at all put out that her unmarried daughter of tender years would ramble for hours with an adult male, without chaperone. For a moment he suspects her of trying to make a match, but Mrs Bennet clearly has no such idea, she dislikes Darcy too much to even consider him as potential suitor.

Elizabeth is not herself, not yet, she's still rather silent and grave. But that will all change once they are safely married, they will be together always, never having to worry again over what other people say or think.

And when they indeed walk out by themselves, towards the view her mother has suggested, she does loosen up, exercise makes her happy, and Darcy can see that she is feeling an urge to run. No matter, once they're at Pemberley she can run as much as she likes, no-one will mind the slightest, or even notice.

'I suppose I'll have to face your father tonight to ask his consent to marry you,' Darcy says. 'I'm not too proud to admit that the idea has me week-kneed with anxiety, your father frightens me to no end.' That sets her laughing, and she asks: 'Whatever for? My father is the sweetest man, though he will not be pleased at first. He has no idea who you really are, but he will not be angry or refuse consent.'

'I know, Elizabeth, but still I fear him. His sarcasm has me totally helpless, I cannot arm myself against it. He could easily maim me for life with the sharpness of his tongue.'

Now Elizabeth looks at him with a twinkle in her eyes, and observes: 'That's good, you should respect your father-in-law. You'll grow to like each other soon, I hope, my love.'

She looks a bit unsure now, and observes: 'You have it easy, you just leave the Miss off, Bingley apparently already calls me Lizzy, but I've never heard anyone call you anything else than Mr Darcy. But I can't very well call you by your last name anymore. I know your first name is Fitzwilliam, same as your cousin the Colonel, for you signed your letter with it, but I never heard anyone call you that. What do you want me to call you?'

There it is again, as his mind softens at her moment of indecision, she looks so vulnerable all of a sudden, his body uses that as an excuse to want to reach out for her, take her hand and press it to his lips, or take her in his arms and feel her head rest on his shoulder. He takes a moment to show it who's in control, then replies, thoughtfully, for it has never come up before: 'I guess Georgiana is the only one to ever call me by my first name, everyone else always calls me Darcy, with or without honorific. My sister never shortens my name, though I shorten hers all the time. Do you suppose you can start with calling me Fitzwilliam, as Georgie does, and then we see what happens in time? You may need to say it twice though, at first, it will take some getting used to. You always said 'Mr Darcy' in a way that got my attention instantly, I'll miss that sometimes.'

Now her uncertainty is gone, and she looks at him cheekily and says: 'Don't worry, Fitzwilliam, I know exactly what you mean and if I ever need your attention quickly I will not hesitate to use it.'

Oh, to hear her speak his first name, so low and breathy, so different from how Georgiana says it. Not much chance of him not realising she's addressing him. And again he needs to suppress an urge to hold her, it's not fair, something in him is using any excuse to make him want to caress her, how is he going to keep that down for another month? Or even a week?

They walk on, in constant conversation, there is so much to talk about, their youths, plans for the future, their coming courtship.

All too soon they reach the sign announcing the view that is their destiny, by now they have left the cultivated part of the neighbourhood, the bare fields, recently harvested, some already ploughed but others lying fallow through winter, and the occasional meadow with or without livestock, sheep, cows, a few horses, they all make way for rough woods, oak and beech mostly, in beautiful fall colours, but also some mixed woodland patches with a lot of undergrowth, some still hanging on to their beautifully coloured leaves.

The little sign directs them to a rambling path, straight through the woods, and of course going uphill rather steeply.

Elizabeth clearly is a very strong walker, she keeps up a firm pace, and she doesn't even seem out of breath or heated with the effort of the climb. As for himself, he is feeling the heat, it is fall already, but mild for the season and he is wearing a very tightly fitted coat of dense wool. He cannot help falling back, he is so hot he nearly faints, and apparently Elizabeth is very aware of him for she quickly notices and exclaims: 'Oh sorry, Fitzwilliam, am I going too fast? You must be smothering in that woollen coat, it's gorgeous, and you look exquisitely handsome in it, but the weather is so fine today. Here, let me help you out of it.'

And at his look of shock at her suggestion: 'Never mind, Fitzwilliam, no-one ever comes here. And if they do, they'll have taken off their coats as well, most likely.' She has already closed the distance between them, and with kind concern helps him out of his very fashionable coat. It is so tight, that he would be hard put to remove it by himself, and it is impossible to put on really well by himself, he has to have a servant help him to do that. Of course Elizabeth is not used to helping a gentleman out of his unpractical coat, and she doesn't know the trick, but she is clever and she soon has him in his shirtsleeves.

A very fashionable shirt, fortunately, less formal than those he usually wears in London, he packed to go hunting after all, and one he knows is very becoming on his tall frame, broadening his shoulders and accentuating his narrow waist.

Elizabeth seems rather taken by the sight of him, she is frozen to the spot, his heavy coat still on her arm, Darcy suddenly realises she must have those moments of wanting to touch him, too, and she is having one right now. But she doesn't just suppress it without consideration, she's actually enjoying it, looking her fill of him, wait a minute, is she relishing his scent?

He has been sweating like plowhorse in that abominable coat, a judgement on his pride no doubt for wanting to wear his most becoming coat even though he knew it might be too hot for the day, but she doesn't seem put off by that at all, on the contrary, she takes a step towards him and is clearly enjoying the smell of something. Maybe it's the autumn woods?

'I'm glad you wore a woollen coat today, I've been wanting to see you without your coat, and it will still be so long before we're married. You smell just heavenly, I've never been this close to a man before you, well except my father of course.'

And she's not leaving it at that, she's closing in even more, and embraces him, her face on his chest, like in his dream! He feels his own body freeze, his last defence, for the touch of her arms on his body, and the feel of her face on his chest, her warm breath penetrating the thin fabric of his shirt, the smell of her hair and her body, they are making him mad with ardour, and he is seconds away from losing control and just grabbing her.

Of course she has noticed his reaction, and she looks up at him with mild surprise, asking: 'Is there a problem, Fitzwilliam, do you mind being touched?'

He cannot speak, he needs all his energy to regain his control, and when he manages that he hears himself say, coolly: 'I don't really, you just took me by surprise, that's all. I'm not used to being touched by a lady, and certainly never this personally.' What part of him did that, answer her so unaffectedly? His body screams for more, why does his mind not stop her, beg her to wait?

'You haven't?' She is truly surprised. 'I didn't expect that. So this will be your first kiss too, then?'

Kiss? What kiss? She is on her toes now, arms firmly wrapped around his neck, and her lips touch his ever so softly. There is no use in fighting anymore, he can't do it, he has to give in, they're engaged to be married, one little kiss won't do any harm. And he surrenders to her and his own wishes just the tiniest bit and answers her kiss slowly, feeling her soft mouth against his, smelling her enticing scent, and when she doesn't break off their little kiss but makes it larger instead, he tastes her as well, the rest of the world forgotten for a few moments, just the two of them, more intimate than either of them has even been.

When they break off their first kiss for lack of breath, Darcy strangely enough feels a lot calmer, not totally heated and out of control as he feared. Elizabeth looks up at him with actual devotion, and at that moment, life has nothing better to offer him. He is perfectly content.

Of course they repeat that kiss, and they stand together for a good ten minutes. Emboldened by Elizabeth's forwardness, Darcy dares to nuzzle her bare throat, causing her to shiver with feeling, and she opens up a few buttons of his shirt to bare his throat and do the same. He feels the same shiver.

When they part once more, with great reluctance on both sides, Darcy notices that Elizabeth still has his coat over her arm, and he offers to take it from her, then takes her hand in his, and together they climb the path until the trees open up and they can see the fabulous view over the rocky fields below, and the wooded hills in the distance.

After sitting side by side in total silence for what seem to be hours, they start to get hungry, it's time to turn back. At the edge of the wilderness, just before they re-enter habitation, Elizabeth helps him back into his coat rather deftly, and takes the opportunity to kiss him passionately once more. He submits to her intimacy, and again doesn't feel heat rise up uncontrollably, giving him some faith in himself.

As they walk back they resume their conversation, and this time he tells Elizabeth about Georgiana's indignation at Miss Bingley's coldness and nastiness during her visit. His lady observes: 'You know I never thought of it that way. Your sister is very gifted, Fitzwilliam, she must have great natural delicacy. I didn't know Miss Bingley any differently, so I just tried to ignore her, like I used to.

But since I did care what you, and Georgiana, thought of me this time, it was indeed harder.'

'I'm sorry to hear that, Elizabeth. When I called on you the next day, I wanted to apologise to you on Georgiana's behalf for Miss Bingley's behaviour, and assure you it would not happen again on your dinner visit. But of course that never came to be. I was devastated, I was so glad to see you again, and then we were pulled apart.'

He can see she wants to put a hand on his arm hearing the emotion in his last sentence, but she controls herself, they are in the middle of the village after all, and merely says: 'That, too, is all in the past, Fitzwilliam, your efforts and determination were not in vain, please don't let memories pain you any longer.'

'You are right,' Darcy replies, 'I have bigger worries. First I'll have to face your father. And then we'll plan our wedding together, how splendid do you want it?' He smiles at his own question, for he knows she does not want a big affair, she's not the kind to show off her catch.

And now a bit of the real Elizabeth emerges, as she observes: 'I suppose we will have to keep it small, since my family is not large, and yours will censure, slight and despise me.'

She doesn't seem to care at all, but still he asks: 'Do you care?'

'I don't, Fitzwilliam,' she replies, he hadn't expected anything different, and she adds: 'I just want you.'

With a sly smile she continues: 'Do you suppose Miss Bingley will be strong enough to attend your wedding? It must come as a complete surprise to her.'

'I'm afraid I may have given her a little hint of things to come, Elizabeth, after you left Georgiana at Pemberley that afternoon. Miss Bingley said some really offensive things about you, causing me to lose my temper and I may have kind of told her I admired you. Not in those words exactly, but let's say that by the time we get married she will have had a few weeks longer to grow used to the idea.

Too bad cousin Fitzwilliam has a very good taste in women, or she might move her attentions to him.' The very idea makes him laugh, and Elizabeth shows him that her ready wit is returning.

'But what will your aunt Catherine think of that? Miss Bingley is an heiress, but is her lineage good enough for a member of your family, even if he's just a second son?'

With excellent humour Darcy replies: 'I'm sure that twenty thousand pounds would make a positive impression on my aunt, more than a sense of humour, superb intelligence and great sensibility. Of course that's just for a second son of her least favourite sibling. Had I loved Miss Bingley, she would have reacted as adverse as she will now.' He hopes Elizabeth will feel the compliments, for he finds himself still able to fall in love with her even deeper, the more he gets to know her.

That evening, dinner is fast losing its attraction for Darcy, and he asks himself why he has this apprehension of Mr Bennet. Bingley faced him easily enough. As he studies Elizabeth's father from across the table, he sees just a regular gentleman, dressed well, with perfect table manners. What is it that frightens Darcy about this elderly, rather ordinary looking man? He sits at the head of his family and listens to the conversation around him.

But he is not participating. And why would he be, to have a nice chat with his wife? Or his two younger daughters? What could they ever say that would be interesting for him to hear? Can it be that Mr Bennet has as much disdain for other people as Darcy himself used to have? Except that his disdain is not based on rank, but on intelligence?

Is Darcy himself afraid of being judged on Mr Bennet's scale of interesting conversation, and found wanting? Not smart enough? Just another person never to be taken seriously, and to be laughed at openly? The way Elizabeth used to laugh at Darcy's weaknesses, especially that really funny one of considering himself to be without weaknesses. Is Darcy really that afraid to be laughed at? That cannot be, or he wouldn't have chased Elizabeth for six months, he knows she is going to make fun of him whenever she can, as soon as she feels secure of his attachment. And he is looking forward to it, to fence with words again, to sharpen his wits to match hers.

But Elizabeth has always had her father and her sister to talk to. Her father must have spent years without ever hearing a sensible word, knowing it was all his own fault for marrying the wrong woman. Until his eldest daughters grew up and gave him some relief from being constantly surrounded by silliness And now Darcy is taking his favourite away from him.

He just cannot put his finger on his own apprehension, but his ordeal will last only for half an hour at the very most, so he will get over it eventually. And the prize is worth it, for Elizabeth he would do worse things than talk to her father. Better get ready, Mr Bennet is getting up and leaving for his library.

As soon as he has closed the door, Darcy gets up and follows him there. As he passes Elizabeth, he cannot see much encouragement in her demeanour, she seems as anxious as himself actually. But he's a grown man, and he has won the love he had already given up on, so he is going to do his duty as is expected of him.

He knocks on the door, and hears his host call out: 'What is it now? Come in then, if you must.' Darcy enters, not feeling very welcome, but as Mr Bennet discerns him, he sounds surprised and actually excuses himself: 'I beg your pardon for my discourtesy, Mr Darcy, I expected it to be some servant or my wife with complaints about something or other. Please do come in, and have a seat in my haven of quiet. Will you have some coffee?'

Accepting a cup of coffee, Darcy seats himself in a very comfortable but rather threadbare chair.

'I suppose your library chairs don't look like they've been through several battles against the French, Mr Darcy, but please consider, these have been my friends for years, and one doesn't just discard one's friends, not I in any case. And they are very comfortable, aren't they?' Darcy cannot help smiling, and he admits: 'They are that, Mr Bennet, and a man's library is supposed to be the place where he not only keeps his books but also has his true home, with every right to furnish it as pleases him.'

But now Mr Bennet comes to the point rather frankly: 'I didn't expect to ever have the pleasure of receiving you in my library, Mr Darcy, so please tell me what business brings you here, for I suppose you have business with me?' A bit disconcerted at being spoken to so curtly, Darcy just states his business, as if this counts as such: 'Mr Bennet, I have come to see you on an errand of great importance to me and your daughter Elizabeth. Yesterday I have begged her to accept my hand in marriage, and she has seen fit to say yes, making me the happiest of men. I now want to ask you to give us your consent as well.'

Well, Mr Bennet certainly didn't expect that. No sarcasm is forthcoming, just very obvious shock and a shade of fear. Fear? What does Elizabeth have to fear from him? He loves her to distraction.

But Mr Bennet regains his composure quickly, and asks: 'Why would you want to marry Lizzy, Mr Darcy? She has no money, no connections, no fashionable manners.' Darcy can practically hear him add in his thoughts: 'and why in the world would Lizzy want to marry you?'

But it is only up to Darcy to answer the question that was expressed to him, and he doesn't hesitate: 'I love her, Mr Bennet, and I don't care about those things anymore. Your daughter is the most intelligent, feeling woman I have ever met, and I thank providence she has found love for me in her own heart.'

Now it seems that Mr Bennet is quite impressed with Darcy's display of feeling, but still he pushes: 'The very intelligence that you admire will make her question you always, and she will tell you frankly when she disagrees with anything you say or do. Her sharpness may offend you sometimes, or even your family and friends. Can you accept that from a woman, Mr Darcy? She may be smarter than you, you know.'

Mr Bennet is seriously worried about his favourite daughter! Of course he believes that Darcy is a haughty, arrogant man who values appearances over genuine feeling, and Darcy cannot prove himself otherwise in one or two sentences. Elizabeth would be in danger of getting into serious trouble with the man Darcy seems to be, and of course that is something Mr Bennet wants to avoid at all costs. What can he do to convince Mr Bennet that he knows Elizabeth's 'weaknesses' and that to him they are her assets?

'Mr Bennet, I understand your fears for your daughter. But please believe me that I know who she is, and love her for it. I'll never fault her for questioning me, or making fun of me, or being smarter than me. I can't wait, actually.'

And now the moment of truth has come, Mr Bennet looks Darcy in the eye with his most penetrating gaze, and it is very disconcerting indeed. But Darcy knows he is the right man for Elizabeth, and she is the right woman for him, so he manages to hold that gaze without trying to challenge his interrogator, Mr Bennet is only protecting his daughter, and Darcy has just realised how right he is to do so. The old Darcy might not have accepted Elizabeth as she is.

Long before his gaze turns into a contest of wills, or cruelty towards his son-in-law, Mr Bennet lets go of Darcy's eyes, and says: 'All right, I give you my consent to marry Elizabeth. I can't say you're the man I thought she'd promise herself to, but I must trust her decision. Welcome to the family, my son. At least you know what you're getting into there, after two family dinners.

Now, off you go, and please send Elizabeth in here for a moment.'

And with that curt dismissal, it's done. Though different from what he expected, the result of his interview is the same, Darcy feels wrung out and his legs are still shaking a little. What a mind! He walks straight to Elizabeth, smiling to let her know his success and to encourage her for her own interrogation.

After nearly an hour, she comes back and actually sits with him, that must be a first, her father cannot have gone easy on her, he must have talked to her as seriously as he talked to Darcy, but she seems very much relieved. 'My father was not pleased, Fitzwilliam, he tried to dissuade me at first, but I think I managed to convince him of your good qualities in the end. I think you're safe now.'

She looks at him with infatuation, then adds: 'From him. I do believe he did warn you against me, didn't he?'

There she is, emerging once more, the girl who has held his heart for almost a year now, he feels himself go soft, he must look like some kind of sheep, but it doesn't matter, for she loves him, and tomorrow they will set a date for their wedding. He wishes they can kiss again, unfortunately the little sitting-room is filled with people, but he sees Bingley holding Jane's hand, and tomorrow Darcy will be so bold as to hold Elizabeth's hand as well.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Of course Bingley and himself ride over again the next day, and from the first moment it is clear that something has changed. No longer does Darcy have to fight his way inside through the asphyxiating chill of Mrs Bennet's icy hospitality, instead he is welcomed heartily, with a generous compliment on his coat, a less fashionable one but still rather becoming, and a warm handshake. It appears that Mrs Bennet has been informed of her daughter's engagement, and she is eager to show her approval.

His consciousness of Mrs Bennet's sudden acceptance of him probably having more to do with his fortune than his personality is not painful, he has as little affection for her as she has for him, and in a month or so their paths need cross very rarely anymore. But it is certainly much easier to be civil to a friendly person than to a frosty one, which will make Elizabeth's and his courtship that much more enjoyable. And fortunately Mrs Bennet's changed opinion of him does not cause to her claim his attention all the time, she clearly still favours Bingley for that office.

They do not walk out that day, but rather find a secluded spot in the garden, where they talk business mostly. Elizabeth agrees that a long courtship is not very desirable, with Darcy's sister in London and his estate even further away, they will be separated often when he is away to do his duties, a situation neither likes very much. Therefore Darcy suggests that he will get a special licence, allowing them to marry within the month the law proscribes for an engagement to last.

Since the time of the year means a wedding outside is more or less out of the question, they decide to have the ceremony in London, and stay there for the winter season, if Elizabeth can adapt to city life. When Darcy tells her about Georgiana's hope to do without Mrs Annesley and stay with them for most of the time, Elizabeth wishes very much to be of service to her new sister, and staying in town all winter is ideal for Georgiana's budding aspirations to become the best piano-player she can.

After so much dry talk, Elizabeth starts to show some signs of rising spirits, and indeed she soon makes Darcy very happy by teasing him to tell her how he ever managed to fall in love with her, a country girl of little fashion and no connections. Darcy relishes her playfulness, her wry humour, and they have a lovely hour of conversation, after which they carefully check their surroundings and indulge in a few secret kisses.

With their engagement approved of by her parents, Darcy dares to imitate Bingley in holding hands in public, and sitting very close to Elizabeth most of the time, talking and laughing together even throughout dinner, even when in company of Elizabeth's aunt Philips and the Lucases.

Marrying one of their own has clearly gained him some respect in their midst, but fortunately they do not treat him as familiarly as they do Bingley, or he would be stuck with one or the other of them for the entire evening!

Their three weeks of courtship pass by tranquilly, in the first week Darcy rides to town to get their licence and make arrangements for their wedding, which is to be quite a large affair after all, since Darcy feels a certain need to acknowledge his bride to all his friends and acquaintance after Lady Catherine's abuse of his dearly beloved. Having written her to announce his engagement, she has said such horrible things, and behaved so despicably towards Darcy's family, trying to get them to denounce his fiancée, that Darcy has begged Elizabeth to give his connections the chance to show him their allegiance and their acceptance of his choice.

Though not entirely resigned to being the shining focus of attention for so many people, most of whom she doesn't even know, Elizabeth does realise that he really needs to prove his devotion to her by doing this, and she allows him to take her to London to choose a stunning white gown, new dresses for her bridesmaids Georgiana, Kitty and Mary and even a new carriage.

Darcy has a ceremony arranged in an important church, and a party afterwards, the venue a beautiful historical building Elizabeth approves of wholeheartedly, set in the middle of a large park, with plenty of space in the main ballroom for everyone to dance.

But between all this, they have plenty of time to get to know each other even better, and to kiss and fondle a little whenever they are able to find a quiet spot to do so.

Darcy soon finds himself sought out by Mr Bennet, who invites him over in his library some evenings to talk about the news, and books, and other things that they both like, and one day they ride out together to shoot. Mr Bennet soon acknowledges that he was mistaken in his disappointment at his daughter's choice of a husband, as Darcy proves he is actually the man his daughter has told her father he is.

Darcy observes: 'Your daughter improved my manners a lot, Mr Bennet, the man you used to know was in a way really me, I did feel above the company most of the time.'

And there, Mr Bennet shows some self-knowledge: 'Well, son, I must admit I dislike parties as well, the foolishness of people in general cannot be borne. And you did pick out the only sensible woman I've ever had the pleasure to know, well, besides my sister-in-law I guess. And Jane isn't all that bad either.'

As they get to know one another better, they start to appreciate each other more and more, and soon Mr Bennet is as dear to Darcy as the Gardiners have become. Mr Bennet approves of a large wedding, though he knows Elizabeth will not enjoy the occasion as much as most ladies would. 'You need to show the world that you were not hooked, but made a deliberate choice to wed her.'

And so the day nears that they will become one forever. After the wedding, they will stay in London for their wedding-night, and travel to Pemberley the next day for a two week honeymoon. Then they will move back to London and stay there until spring, when Darcy needs to be available to his steward once more for planting time. Of course there will be Bingley's wedding as well, in December, taking them back to Hertfordshire for a few weeks, with Georgiana this time.

Frankly, Darcy cannot wait to be alone with his bride. Not just for the pleasures of the flesh, though he is looking forward to those as well. Realising neither of them has any idea of what to expect their first night together, he has scoured his London library and found several manuscripts in none too obvious places that may give him an idea, he especially has some hopes of the neutrally bound bundle of contemporary short stories of a rather explicit nature that is among them.

And although the stories answer to his wish for more information completely, finally giving some details on what is supposed to be going on in a private bedroom on a wedding-night, making him feel a little more secure in making that particular night a success for both of them, he still finds the prospect of just being alone with the woman of his dreams the most enticing. Not having to make polite conversation to others, not having to stay carefully separated for at least a few inches most of the time, not having to include others in their midst, it will be such a blessing.

And before they know it they are back in London, Elizabeth and her family guesting with Mr Gardiner. All Darcy's connections are nobility, so they will find their own accommodation.

Tonight is their last night as engaged couple, and Darcy has arranged for some amusement to show his future sisters a bit of London. A private box at one of the theatres will thrill his new family, and give Georgiana the opportunity to get to know them before they move back to his own home for a private dinner. Of course the Gardiners have also been invited, and they have chosen to take their eldest two along, and leave the younger children at their own home.

It's rather funny to see his countryfied in-laws feast their eyes on the rich interior of the theatre, and the fashionable people of London. As they sit in their box, waiting for the show to start, they almost gape at the gentlemen and ladies walking by and sitting together with their hair dressed up, and their hats styled, their coats and dresses gaudy and splendid, their manners affected and measured, even Mr Bennet enjoys himself hugely.

The show itself is really enjoyable, especially for Darcy, since Elizabeth is sitting really close to him, holding his hand and whispering her comments until his stomach aches with suppressed laughter. After the show, they watch all the fashionable ladies and gentlemen leave in a colourful and beplumed parade, then head for his town-house, where of course his mother-in-law and new sisters really start to realise what a match their daughter and sister has made.

They have all heard rumours about his wealth, no doubt, but only Elizabeth and the Gardiners have seen Pemberley and of the three of them only the Gardiners can have had an idea of what to expect from his town-house.

It is larger than their Longbourn house by at least two but more likely three times, and of course its furnishings reflect his fortune as well as his taste. He is very satisfied by the atmosphere he has managed to create in this house after he inherited it some five years ago, and it is clear that though Elizabeth is rather overcome by its size and the richness of its interior, she does approve of it.

He takes his guests to the dining-room, where the table is set for their entire party, having decided to seat Georgiana next to Elizabeth, with Bingley on her other side. It wouldn't do to have her placed between her new family-members, she would be totally lost for words and very unhappy. As it is, she copes quite well, and since he will be on Elizabeth's other side, he can keep an eye on her all the time.

His cook has made a real effort, usually Darcy doesn't entertain on this scale in his town-house, but he is certain Mrs Bennet will be impressed with the number and quality of the dishes, though he must admit that she employs an excellent cook herself.

After coffee, Georgiana offers him voluntarily to entertain their guests with some music, and Darcy cannot help showing his surprise. 'There has to be music, Fitzwilliam,' she says, 'and if I'm not entirely mistaken I'm the best choice for a musician here.' He cannot deny that, and clearly shows her his appreciation of her offer, and of her sense, for if she doesn't provide the music, Miss Mary Bennet undoubtedly will, and being forced to listen to a less talented young lady playing will not please Georgiana at all.

As Georgiana takes place behind the instrument and opens the lid, Darcy circumspectly observes Miss Mary, curious to see how she will react to witnessing a truly superior performance.

Hearing the first notes filling the room, he is impressed all over again by his sister's application and talent, her lessons are already paying off, she has improved again already in just three weeks. Poor Mary is totally overcome, Georgiana is younger than herself, and Mary cannot possibly practise more, for the last few weeks at Longbourn have seen her at her instrument for hours each day.

Elizabeth is impressed as well, that is easy to see, and she moves over to the piano to give Georgiana her compliments at the first convenient pause. After another piece of stunning virtuosity, Georgiana practically begs Elizabeth to join in, and they sing a very creditable duet. Mary does not seem to be eager to have her opportunity to perform at all, which is kind of sad for her. But she'll be back in Hertfordshire soon, where she is the most accomplished player of the neighbourhood.

Against Darcy's expectations, his sister now starts to play a very lively dance, and she sends him a look that leaves no doubt in his mind, he is supposed to ask his fiancée to stand up with him, on orders of his little sister. Obeying her, he walks up to Elizabeth and begs her to dance with him, which his intended doesn't refuse, though she does look very embarrassed, probably remembering the last time they danced together. Darcy cannot but admit he is glad to have this awkward moment now, and not on their wedding-party, leading all the couples in the first dance.

Georgiana cannot have known, can she? No, she's just doing him a favour, giving him a chance to touch his beloved, and most likely she's encouraging him to be more outgoing. But he already has been, for weeks, he's really trying, and so is Georgiana today.

Bingley of course is eager to join in the dancing with his fiancée, and Mr Gardiner does his duty to the ladies as well, dancing with his wife first, and then with his niece Mary.

Feeling in a very soft mood, Darcy soon exchanges his bride-to-be for Miss Catherine, who clearly aches to participate in the action, and Darcy is pleased to see her initial awe of him gradually diminish as he makes some funny comments on the evening at the theatre. Finding a sense of humour in her dignified brother-in-law is clearly a pleasant surprise to her.

Bingley then takes over from him, and as Elizabeth is claimed by her father of all people, Darcy wouldn't have guessed he'd ever dance, he himself decides to have his first dance ever with the beauty of the room, Miss Bennet.

Not only does she dance extremely well, she also has a lot of nice things to say to him, about making her sister happy, and having enjoyed herself incredibly that night. Darcy is mostly surprised that though he really likes her, he does not find himself attracted to her at all, despite her beauty, her excellent mind and her kindness. Does he really need a little ginger in his conversation? Is she actually too nice for him?

Whatever the reason, he is glad to find himself with his own love in his arms once more, and then they break up the dancing and spend the rest of the evening talking quietly, Darcy catching up with Mr and Mrs Gardiner mostly, and watching Elizabeth in animated conversation with Georgiana. No picture ever pleased him more, than his beloved and his sister getting along splendidly.

Before they part for the night, Darcy and Elizabeth find a secluded spot to embrace and kiss in secret one last, glorious time. Then she leaves to stay her last night apart with her aunt and uncle, and Darcy retires to his lonely bedroom for one last time, to try and find some sleep with the bustle and noise of London in the background, and the apprehension for tomorrow rising.

The last night before the wedding is of course one of contemplation. Darcy lies awake for hours, remembering the whole of his acquaintance with Elizabeth, how he gradually fell for her unique personality, and how he had to go through sadness and deep despair to finally find happiness. Well past midnight he finds some peace of mind and falls asleep, to wake to totally different thoughts: how will his connections react to his new bride? All of them have accepted his invitation, even his uncle, Fitzwilliam's father. All of them seem to stand by him, but they may yet show Elizabeth disdain, only having come to gloat at the country girl who has finally managed to hook Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley.

The next day, as Darcy is helped in his most gorgeous and uncomfortable coat ever by his valet, he wonders whether he will still recognise Elizabeth when her aunt's maids have dressed her up for the wedding. But she understands why they have to do it this way, instead of getting married in a little chapel with a few friends and their nearest relatives, and tonight it will all be over and they will be together for always, only having to ever explain themselves or justify themselves to each other.

Having handed Bingley the rings, trying to calm himself, he takes the new carriage to the church, where he will meet his bride and all her family. His own friends and family will be there, too, to attend the ceremony that will make him one forever with the woman he has loved for months now, and will love for the rest of his life.

When they arrive at the church, he recognises Elizabeth easily enough by her posture and her shape, but she has indeed been gilded lavishly, the gorgeous white dress bringing out her beautiful figure, a bit slim, but Darcy actually prefers that to the plumpness that is more fashionable. Her hair is done in some elaborate style, with flowers all over it, and a scattering of diamonds from his family vault. Elizabeth protested wearing them at first, but gave in rather quickly after he promised to have them stowed right back into that vault the day after the wedding.

Though he feels a bit strange having his forthright beloved thus overly beplumed, he knows he looks as overdressed himself, and they will both bear it for one day.

The time between getting in and going to the altar together is one big haze of nerves, but he manages to hide them well, aided by his fabulous wedding outfit that makes him look like a Greek god.

Mr Bennet, looking smarter than ever before in a new and fashionable suit, hands him his bride, and they take their vows. Elizabeth's voice sounds clear in the sizeable church, and she does not promise to obey him, something they have decided on during preparations. She didn't even mind that much, 'It's just words, Fitzwilliam, you know I will not obey you,' she said, causing him to melt at the spot of course, but still he did not want her to say such a demeaning thing.

He manages not to mumble or stumble on his own vows, almost promising to obey her on impulse, but checking himself in the face of his connections. Bingley hands him the rings, and Darcy's eyes fall on Georgiana, standing among her new sisters in their lovely dresses. She gives him a big wink, and he smiles back, then turns back towards Elizabeth, who has seen their exchange of looks, for she laughs amiably as well.

He puts her ring on her small hand, and she does the same to his much larger hand, with his much larger ring, handed to her by Bingley with a warm smile. Then they kiss passionately, in public, and no-one besides them knows for sure that this is not the very first time.

And though generally one would say that the nerve-racking part of the day is now over with the completion of the ceremony, for Darcy it is just beginning, having all the guests approach them to congratulate them. Now is the time to find out why they have come, and whether they will accept Elizabeth into their ranks.

She doesn't seem nervous at all, but as she once told him, her courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate her.

Alert to what everyone says not just to himself, but to her as well, Darcy cannot but conclude that most of his friends, acquaintances and family are genuinely pleased to see him finally married. Of course Miss Bingley isn't pleased, but someone of more fortune wouldn't have pleased her either, unless it had been herself. Still, she really does her very best to be civil to both of them.

His cousin Fitzwilliam congratulates Elizabeth heartily, then he whispers to Darcy below his breath: 'You lucky bastard, I envy you.' But he hugs his cousin with feeling to show him he really wishes him joy of his union with the woman they both admire.

Then Mr Collins and Elizabeth's friend Charlotte come up to them, and Darcy is amazed that they have dared to brave Lady Catherine's anger to attend this wedding. Mrs Collins must have more influence on her husband than the man is aware of, for this will cost him a lot of goodwill from his patroness. Mrs Collins embraces her friend with true happiness, Darcy suspects that while Elizabeth had no clue of his preference for her before he delivered that awful proposal, Mrs Collins did suspect him of being partial to her friend. They probably weren't close enough to discuss that.

Mrs Collins seems very much in awe of him still, and Darcy accepts her congratulations with a little informal charm, to let her know he isn't as stuck on rank as his aunt is. It works on her, but of course her husband is a hopeless case, humility is part of his being and he will never be able to step over Darcy's rank and act normal towards him. Darcy can understand why Elizabeth rues her friend's choice to ever marry this man. He cannot be good company. But Mrs Collins will soon have something else to occupy her time if Darcy is not mistaken, her waist is decidedly fuller than it used to be.

Mr Collins bows inelegantly, and stammers: 'Congratulations Mr Darcy, my esteemed uncle Mr Bennet tells me your decision to marry against Lady Catherine's express wishes is not something you will come to regret. He tells me you can take care of yourself very well.

You certainly look very happy with my cousin Elizabeth, as happy as I am with my dear Charlotte. My best wishes for your future.'

Well, that is surprise, Mr Collins making sense. The world may come to an end soon.

Eventually, all the duties are done, and they take the new carriage to the building where the party is held, their guests waving the happy couple off before driving there themselves.

And a few hours later, the party is almost over with, all the guest having eaten, and drank, and danced to their hearts' content. Of course there was little mingling between the guests of the groom and the guests of the bride, but Darcy hadn't expected any differently. Elizabeth fits in with his own connections surprisingly easily, she has danced with most of the gentlemen, and talked to most of the ladies, and all in all he has a feeling that Elizabeth may have every reason to believe she is accepted into his circle.

She has charmed not only his cousin Fitzwilliam, but his uncle and elder brother as well. Most men seem to feel her qualities, and of course she is very self-assured and sociable, using his hints about who is who to have something sensible to say to everyone. But she must be dead tired, she was like a queen holding court with her entire entourage waiting for her to make a mistake and pounce on it.

Finally Darcy notices she is starting to wilt a little, clearly very tired with talking all night to people she doesn't know who are judging herself and her husband on her performance. But she did magnificently, and now he will take her home, his dearest wish come true. Whilst the guests who are still left continue to enjoy themselves, Darcy leaves the party to the manager, and takes his bride outside, where the new carriage is waiting for them.

With a distinct thrill he hands his wife into it, then gets in beside her. She leans against him, finally allowed to touch him whenever she pleases, and he takes her in his arms with a feeling of overwhelming rightness.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's note

If you find explicit description of intimate acts offensive, this is the last chapter of this story for you, and it is censored by merely cutting out the more intimate paragraphs. You can also decide to just not read it at all, Chapter 10 ends quite nicely with a marriage.

If however you do not find intimate acts offensive, you can read the rest of this story under an M-rating, including this chapter 11 uncensored.

I will publish a few more chapters, there are several loose ends that I want to tie up, and I have some ideas that I want to elaborate on, but our heroes are a married couple, and as such they will be intimate regularly, so the rating will stay M.

Chapter 11

After a very short, but very enjoyable drive in the relatively unadorned but beautifully crafted carriage that Elizabeth chose, Darcy hands his bride out of the carriage, and leads her to his house, where the door is not held open by a butler, but opened with a key, by himself. All the staff is dismissed for the night, Georgiana has agreed to stay in Bingley's house this once, they have the house all to themselves, they are finally alone.

Darcy carries a little bag with some essentials that Jane has packed for her sister, and as the carriage is taken to the stables by the driver, Darcy lets them in, closes and locks the door behind them and leads Elizabeth to his own bedroom, a large, comfortable room on the first floor.

He helps her into a comfortable chair next, and kneels before her. She still looks like some princess, in that absurdly rich dress, diamonds all over her hair. 'How are you, love?' he asks softly, 'you look tired.'

And she does, sitting there she seems ready to go to sleep, so vulnerable, he has never seen her this way, his beloved. Still feeling his usual reticence to touch her, it will probably take weeks to fade, he takes her hands and kisses both of them.

She smiles and replies: 'I am very tired right now, but don't worry, if you help me out of this dress and into something more comfortable, and I have the chance to freshen up a little, I will be perfectly fine.'

And with no little trepidation, Darcy helps his beloved to remove her fashionable veiled hat, then all the flowers and diamonds and finally also the bows and pins from her hair, making an invaluable pile on the little table. Then he unhooks the back of the dress, he knows Elizabeth is not used to having a maid and usually wears dresses she can put on herself, this must have felt like being imprisoned all day. And she does heave a sigh of relief when the back is released, saying: 'Do you mind if I undress right here and now? I suppose Jane or someone gave you one of my own dresses to wear tomorrow?'

Does he mind! He cannot think of anything he'd rather do right now than undress her, but he says coolly: 'She did even better, she packed a dressing gown for you. Do you want to wear that, as conciliation for having to walk around in that gilded prison all day?'

'I do want to wear it, Fitzwilliam,' she says, so sweetly, who would have known she is so intensely sweet, 'but beloved, not as conciliation for being uncomfortable today. Your gorgeous suit must have been as uncomfortable, and you're not complaining. I have not had the chance yet to tell you how incredibly, heartbreakingly beautiful you look in it. But it cannot be other than very uncomfortable.'

She is right, it is, the stiff collar chafes the sensitive skin of his throat as it has all day, and his arms cannot move freely at any time. Even his chest feels constricted, fortunately he has his own dressing gown within easy reach.

The top of her dress already unfastened, it takes him a while to find the fastenings on the skirt of the dress, but he manages, and she allows him to lift the whole thing over her head, something she would not have been able to do herself, there is so much fabric, so many pleats and folds of it. As he puts the dress away neatly, she'll be surprised how well he can do that despite employing a valet, she slips the dressing gown over her underwear, and he gets just a single tantalizing glimpse of her bare skin. But by now he's so uncomfortable in his own tight suit he can only think of getting out of his coat and shirt quickly.

He picks up his own dressing gown, and brings it towards her, then stands as patiently as a horse waiting to have its harness removed. As soon as her small hands touch his back, stroking him through his coat, his discomfort instantly vanishes, to be replaced by growing ardour and expectancy of things to come. He quickly sits down for her to help him remove his boots.

To get out of those knee-high boots, Darcy is glad of her help, though he feels a bit ridiculous with a delicate lady in a dressing-gown pulling until they give way. Then he feels ridiculous without them, until he spies Elizabeth looking at him with desire. She wants him as much as he wants her.

Elizabeth knows how to remove a gentleman's coat by now, and she does it very deftly, but not in one flowing movement. No, she lingers in certain spots, feeling his chest under his shirt, stroking his shoulders, his back, his arms. Eventually the coat gets removed, and put away as neatly as the dress, and then she starts on his shirt. It has a lot of buttons, and when she has the top dozen undone, the chafing of the collar stops and he echoes her sigh of relief.

She kisses his neck, and his throat, gently, and says feelingly: 'You poor thing, that must sting, it's all red and sensitive. She drops a few more tender kisses on his poor maltreated skin, and lingers again, relishing his scent, still feeling his chest with his shirt still on. She is making it last, this first time, and to help her do that he kisses her ardently, feeling her body under the thin dressing gown, and smelling her scent with as much pleasure as with which she inhales his.

After the kiss she moves on, more buttons to undo, they take a long time because she kisses every bit of his skin that is exposed, a bit surprised to see hair on his chest, she has never seen a man bared. But she will, soon, the buttons are undone, and she helps him out of the shirt, forgetting to unbutton the cuffs at first but correcting that with her nimble fingers when the narrow cuffs won't go over his hands.

He does not put on the dressing gown yet, let her see him with his chest bared, let her feel the muscles and play with his little chest hairs. She puts away the shirt then strokes him eagerly, front, sides, back, kissing him again, and he stands still, still being unharnessed and enjoying the feeling tremendously, his ardour still rising but not uncomfortably yet, their small intimacies the last few weeks have hardened him quite a bit.

'You're gorgeous,' she remarks, 'so strong, so lean.' And she strokes him as if he truly is a horse, and he almost feels his skin twitch, as a horse's does when touched gently. But then she moves on, kneeling in front of him and unbuttoning his trousers, and he forgets everything as ardour takes him again.

None of the stories he read dealt with a lady of no experience undressing a man, will she be put out with what is carefully hidden down there? Should he do this in private? But she will find out eventually, so what would be the advantage? He cannot decide, so he lets his beloved make the decision, and she isn't planning to stop and let him change by himself.

She moves on steadily, buttons undone she carefully pulls his trousers down, difficult because they are skin-tight, Darcy feeling slightly anxious she might accidentally hurt him if she uses too much force,

(This where I have removed the explicit paragraphs)

His fervour has caused him to exert himself beyond his physical limit, and he is out of breath and his stomach hurts. But he doesn't care about that at all as he lets himself fall on the bed beside her, panting and feeling more than a bit awed at the same time.

She snuggles against him and gives him little kisses, looking at him with a very soft expression, stroking his sweating, heaving body, and she observes: 'You're so smart to read up in situations like these.' Rolling towards her, he strokes her hair and her face, feeling very pleased at her compliment, and sated, very sated and actually, rather sleepy.

He doesn't remember any of those stories warning him he will fall asleep immediately after making love, but there is no help for it now, he's not going to stay awake whatever he tries.

Last thing his conscious thought registers is Elizabeth covering him lovingly with a blanket, and then he's fast asleep.


End file.
